Q: Mr. Federal Way, Pokemon Go is quite the craze. Do you play? If so, do you know any good PokeStops in Federal Way and do you think the game is as dangerous as people say it is?

A: Mr. Federal Way hates to admit it, but yeah, he’s tried his hand at the critter-catching craze. While it put him in much closer proximity to shrieking, hyperactive kids than he’d normally prefer, Mr. Federal Way can see the appeal. The cartoon vermin are everywhere. And while Mr. Federal Way thinks the popularity of most mobile phone games are a brain-draining indication of a larger societal downfall – you watch and you remember Mr. Federal Way’s prediction when Candy Crush Saga absolutely buries this country – the little Pokemon Go game has its benefits.

It gets the kiddies off the couch, rarely a bad thing in the age of YouTube “celebrities” and “The Fresh Beat Band,” and makes them go outside and be actual human beings who use their brains. They even get exercise in the process!

Before Pokemon Go, Mr. Federal Way would occasionally wonder if local kids actually knew places like Celebration Park, Sacajawea Park and French Lake Dog Park – all excellent PokeStops and gyms, by the way – existed in our fair city. You can check out all the animated action at Lake Geneva and Steel Lake parks as well.

Those tips were free. Thank-you notes are always appreciated, but sharing Mr. Federal Way’s most lucrative spot will cost you a caffeinated king’s ransom in coffee shop gift cards.

To answer your second question, Pokemon Go is extremely dangerous – if you completely lack common sense and any ability to process your surroundings. If you find yourself driving into a lake to catch a Psyduck, Mr. Federal Way urges you to consider getting yourself a less intense hobby and, really, to reconsider all of the choices you’ve made in your life up to this point.

As far as the kiddies go, responsible parents usually produce responsible kids. If you don’t feel they should be playing the game, just don’t allow it. If you’re not sure how to disallow your kids from doing something, see Mr. Federal Way’s last paragraph about lacking common sense and watch yourself around lakes.

Q: Mr. Federal Way, have you kept up with the “Indians” and “Redskins” debate in sports? Britain said they wouldn’t support the Bengals vs. Redskins game scheduled to be played in London this year if the Redskins’ name isn’t changed.

A: The offensive team name/mascot thing that’s been going on the last few years has made Mr. Federal Way very, very happy that there isn’t a strong sense of identity or history among waterfowl or ocean explorers. Mr. Federal Way is pretty fond of the “Seahawks” and “Mariners” names.

That said, this is the 21st century. Back in Mr. Federal Way’s younger years, names like these meant nothing. They were just names. But now times and opinions have changed, and Mr. Federal Way thinks policies need to change, too. Honestly, Mr. Federal Way sees this as a pretty cut-and-dry issue: If Native Americans say they don’t like them and feel they’re offensive, then change the names. The “Seattle Ragin’ Asians” or “Seattle Fightin’ Whites” would be instantly unacceptable, so why is it different for the Indians or Redskins?

Mr. Federal Way does understand the team owners’ side of the argument. Name changes for established teams mean all marketing and merchandise products for those teams have to be thrown out and done over, which sounds like an expensive, drawn-out process.

Mr. Federal Way has thought long and hard about this, admittedly with the assistance of his good friend Pabst Blue Ribbon. After such deep meditation, he’s come to this conclusion: Think of all the money these teams are already losing from offended folks not buying tickets or merchandise these days. The bigwigs of these teams would probably rake in much more money on television, tickets and merchandise after they bring back the offended folks to join those with no opinion one way or the other. They can do all of that just by changing a name? It seems pretty simple to Mr. Federal Way.

Mr. Federal Way’s last point should also shed some light on the “Rule, Britannia” part of this question. There’s some big money over there in London. They’re obviously more of a soccer/futbol/kickygoal sort of place, but it’s the same deal. If something as simple as a name change will actually put people in the seats to watch our (vastly superior) football, I’m not seeing what the big hold up is.

Q: Mr. Federal Way, did you go anywhere for a summer vacation?

A: None of your business.

Got something for Mr. Federal Way? Email your questions, complaints and hate mail to mrfederalway@federalwaymirror.com.