Q: Mr. Federal Way, I have been cleaning up litter along First Avenue South by Winco for over a month now. Among the litter, someone has been littering their Starbucks cups in the same area Monday-Friday. It’s always the same drink, a grande Americano with cream and sugar and a green straw. I have spoken to a city official about this. What can we do about this?

A: Mr. Federal Way would like to thank you for bringing this problem up. Mr. Federal Way cares about the earth and always recycles when the recycle bin is closer than the garbage can or when Mr. Federal Way has already unscrewed the cap off a drink without closing it again.

You also deserve some praise from Mr. Federal Way for the forensic skills you displayed in the photo you sent in and your description of the scene. Noticing the drinks were all the same for over a month? Brilliant. Now someone would just have to stake out one of the 50 Starbucks in the area (Mr. Federal Way believes that is the minimum number required for every city in Washington at least) and find out who orders it.

Maybe you should be in line for your own CSI spinoff in the near future. Mr. Federal Way would get behind the idea if Mr. Federal Way got to choose which song by The Who could be used for the theme. Mr. Federal Way has always been an “Eminence Front” kind of guy. Then again, the CSI guys would have dug deeper. Maybe there was a poorly spelled name on the side of the cup too? The show would probably be cancelled without a full season anyway.

But that’s enough going off topic. Mr. Federal Way would like to keep this beloved city clean as well and Mr. Federal Way does indeed have a solution. Why not just clean up the whole city together? Other cities have already caught on to this idea and Federal Way should too.

Burien is soon going to have their annual “Clean Sweep” event where the city can gather together and get rid of the filth around town. They even have prize giveaways during the event. Mr. Federal Way is willing to take down some illegible graffiti for a chance at a new coffee mug or dinner at a local restaurant.

Even without the prizes, there are probably more than a few willing volunteers who share the same thoughts on litter as we do around this city. Mr. Federal Way would not mind meeting more like-minded people, especially this close to Earth Day. Perhaps over coffee. Mr. Federal Way is thinking a few grande Americanos with cream and sugar would be appropriate.

Q: Mr. Federal Way, I am shocked to learn former city spokesman Chris Carrel is no longer with the city. The Mirror sure had a lot to say about the city’s new media policy in a March 13 editor’s note prior to this decision. Is this a coincidence?

A: Ahh, it’s unsurprising that this question has popped up, as Mr. Federal Way’s own thoughts fluttered to that unfortunate media policy and the dramatics that transpired.

Yes, editor Carrie Rodriguez divulged to the public what exactly the city was trying to pull when reporter Raechel Dawson tried to contact a certain new Performing Arts and Conference Center director.

Yes, the Mirror called the city out on the unfair policy that a city spokesperson had to be present during that interview.

And yes, less than a month later Carrel mysteriously left the city in a mutual agreement. But Mr. Federal Way highly doubts the Mirror had the power to make Carrel leave the city, so let’s take that possibility off the table. Maybe it was a series of misfortunes that tipped the camel’s back? Maybe Carrel was fed up with Mayor Jim Ferrell’s constant court references to his former glory days as a prosecuting attorney and left on his own account?

The point is, the Mirror nor Mr. Federal Way knows the reason, and despite the past, we acknowledge Carrel’s career and appreciate the work and help he’s provided to the Mirror. We wish him the best of luck in his next chapter and hope the new city public information officer appreciates public transparency more than Hilary Clinton does.

Q: Mr. Federal Way, have you filed your taxes?

A: None of your business.

Got a question for Mr. Federal Way? Email mrfederalway@federalwaymirror.com