• Aries (March 21-April 19): Fulfill your desire for organic growth in Federal Way’s quality of life. Surround yourself with activities that promote and generate life. The Federal Way Community Garden Foundation sets a prime example. Gardens across the city grow food for the hungry, teach children about nature and foster community pride.
• Taurus (April 20-May 20): Avoid harboring hatred toward the now-defunct Tacoma smelter that polluted Federal Way parks with arsenic. For peace of mind, remember the lifetime of carcinogens you have already ingested, including car exhaust, paint fumes, fast food and cable TV news.
• Gemini (May 21-June 21): Rather than wait for a miracle, create the conditions for your own opportunities to grow. Find inspiration from South King Fire and Rescue, which sowed the seeds for a 9/11 memorial in Federal Way.
• Cancer (June 22-July 22): Focus your attention on U.S. Fish and Wildlife, who refuse to tell The Mirror what kind of illegal exotic fish were found in a recent raid in Federal Way. All you really want to know is what type of illegal fish these people were selling on the black market. Also, if you’re looking for cheap siberian tiger testicles, email ahobbs@federalwaymirror.com.
• Leo (July 23-Aug. 22): Take comfort in knowing that nursing home residents have a right to romance, and that love knows no limits. Encourage your elders to explore their romantic interests, whether at church choir practice, at a support group for singles, or in the parking lot behind Denny’s.
• Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Seek refuge in nature and recharge your soul. Visit the boardwalk at West Hylebos Park. Stroll barefoot on the beach at Dash Point State Park. Walk along the BPA Trail and wave at the man who’s wearing only boots.
• Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23): Bonding with residents is a cumulative process with a long-term goal. The more Federal Way bonds with residents, the more pride residents will feel toward their city, and the more ownership they will take for their city’s well-being.
• Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 21): Live for today, and treat each day like a new page in your life story. This Friday’s episode will include a speeding ticket from a photo-enforced school zone in Federal Way. Increase the likelihood of paying a smaller fine by fighting the ticket.
• Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): The frozen yogurt fad is calling your name, but proceed with caution, because the next guy who calls it “fro-yo” is getting kicked in the nuts.
• Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): A romantic encounter awaits the Gemini today, which is a bummer, because you’re a Capricorn.
• Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Years ago, everyone laughed when you said that Federal Way needed an elected mayor system, but that’s because you said it in a funny German accent.
• Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20): Give your patriotism a boost by voting in the November election. Define your criteria for leadership. Ignore the artificial and embrace the genuine. Consider moderate leaders who know when to swing for the fences. Choose the candidate who takes charge, instead of the candidate who looks for the person in charge.
