There’s a post going around Facebook by author Elizabeth Gilbert. In the post, she implores us women to be kinder to each other.
It’s Women’s History Month, and you’d think, with all we’ve been through in recent centuries as a gender, that we’d be one cohesive group.
But.
Starting ridiculously early, girls begin comparing themselves to each other and saying critical things. They verbally ostracize one another based on body shape, size, skin color, hair, culture and more. And is it any wonder? Think of the last time you saw a baby girl. What did you say? Did you remark on her apparent strength? Describe how smart or what a good problem-solver that female toddler was? Or did you succumb to society’s expectations and remark on her cute nose/outfit/hair/smile?
Genders are subject to stereotypes even before they are born. Rooms are painted pink or blue. Clothing is chosen, decorated with sailboats and sports themes or flowers and princesses. And the verbiage follows. “What a cute girl!” “Look at that smile!” “How adorable!”
We judge girls by their looks from the day they are born. It’s only natural they would learn that’s how they are supposed to judge other girls.
This continues as we age. In puberty, girls are judged for going through puberty too soon, too late, for body changes we have no control over. In high school, girls are judged for having too many romantic partners or not enough, for being too feminine or too masculine, too smart or too dumb, being too popular or not popular enough.
But wait! There’s more! In young adulthood, we judge women about being over-privileged and going to college, or being too poor or lazy to. We judge those who marry too young or wait too long. Some of us are too high-powered, insensitive and career-driven; others are “just” stay-at-home moms. We’re too slutty or too prudish, helicopter parents or not involved enough. Too fat, too thin, too young, too old, have had “work done,” should have had it done, worry about our appearance too much, or have “let ourselves go.”
This month, in honor of all the things women have overcome and are still working on in our world, let’s just… stop. Let’s all challenge ourselves to quit saying mean things to both ourselves and other women. Let’s look in the mirror every day and say, “You look great!” And then smile. It really doesn’t matter if you actually believe it or not. If you do it, and smile, your brain will react as though you’re happy. So that “fake it ’til you make it” idea? It really works.
Tell all your female friends they look great, too – and smile. Tell your daughters, mothers, sisters, aunts, nieces and grandmothers. We all hear enough criticism every day from ourselves and others. This month, in honor of all women, lift up your voice in another way. You’ll be great, I know it.
Amy Johnson, MSW, is a Trainer and Educator in the Pacific Northwest. She is co-author of the books “Parenting by Strengths: A Parent’s Guide for Challenging Situations” and “Homegrown Faith and Justice.” Amy facilitates classes and workshops in the Puget Sound area and online. She specializes in working with parents and in sexuality education, and she serves in the national setting of the United Church of Christ promoting safe and healthy sexuality education and culture in faith communities. Amy can be reached at comments@diligentjoy.com.
