I stared at the television in disbelief, thinking perhaps I wasn’t hearing what I thought I was hearing. It is March 2010, aptly Women’s History Month, and Kathryn Bigelow had just become the first woman to win an Academy Award for Best Director.

How did the Academy honor her? They had the orchestra break into “I Am Woman,” a 1972 song by Helen Reddy. Puh-leeeeeese.

If they were going to go with a cheesy almost 40-year-old song, they could have at least picked something more appropriate. Perhaps “You Ain’t Seen Nothin’ Yet” by Bachman Turner Overdrive.

But no, this historic accomplishment was diminished by a patronizing rendition of a song I learned as a teenager while women were fighting to get the Equal Rights Amendment passed. It never did pass. Probably because of that song.

Back here in 2010, American women are living under what Jessica Valenti, in her recent Washington Post article, calls “a feel good illusion” of equality. Some seem to think that because we have Oprah, we don’t have to wear burkas, and we have the right to vote, and that all is good. What more could a contemporary woman want?

Let’s take a look at reality. Along with Hillary Clinton serving as Secretary of State, the majority of women now work outside the home. However, those women make about 76 cents for every dollar a man makes, and women make up the majority of people living in poverty.

The statistics on violence against women in our country are staggering. Of all the women killed in America, nearly one-third are murdered by a spouse or partner. Murder by partner is a leading cause of death even in pregnant women. And “women serving in the military are more likely to be raped by a fellow soldier than killed by enemy fire.” (Valenti, 2010)

While we may think the women’s movement is in the past, and only die-hard feminists still fight the good fight, what we really need to look at is how partisan we are along gender lines. Walk into any Toys R Us to see how early it starts. There’s the black and red aisle, complete with more weaponry than you could ever imagine, and the pink and purple aisle, filled with fashion dolls, baking toys, and jewelry kits.

In addition to raising awareness about marketing and cultural messages about gender roles for children, think about the sitcoms you enjoy. How many of them give messages that men are bumbling oafs? Somehow more clueless than their witty, manipulative and capitulating wives?

Perhaps one woman with a sex column can’t change the world, but I believe in all of you. Here are some practical tips about how you can counter gender stereotypes and raise children respectful of both genders.

• When watching television, discuss any obvious gender stereotypes.

• Point out any disrespectful messages to either gender on television, in music, on the computer or in person.

• When shopping for toys, include at least some that are gender-neutral: Play-doh, blocks, art supplies, science kits, Slinkies, etc.

• Look for books that challenge stereotypes. For young children, try “The Paper Bag Princess” by Robert Munsch, or “Oliver Button Is a Sissy” by Tomie dePaola.

And please, leave Helen Reddy back in 1972.