Q: Mr. Federal Way, I’m disappointed that Federal Way voters shot down the city’s Advisory Proposition 1 measure. I don’t smoke marijuana but didn’t voters already say “yes” to marijuana?

A: Contrary to popular belief regarding Mr. Federal Way’s alleged lack of brain cells, Mr. Federal Way doesn’t smoke the stuff either — or at least has never inhaled.

Unfortunately, it looks like Federal Way voters do smoke marijuana.

So why did 6,449 Federal Way voters (62 percent) say “no” to marijuana businesses in Federal Way, while only 3,959 (38 percent) said “yes?” It appears as though all of the rest of the “yes” voters were too high and too lazy to get off their couches to mail in their ballots on Nov. 3. Or perhaps they were too busy munching on their loads of Halloween candy.

This general election’s voter turnout was sorry to say the least. Only 10,827 voters out of 42,778 registered voters in Federal Way, or 25.31 percent, even bothered to vote.

In King County, only 306,377 voters out of 1.2 million registered voters, or 26 percent, turned in their ballots as of the Mirror’s publishing deadline.

Perhaps people were arguably too busy working two jobs, caring for their half-dozen children or too sick to fill out their ballots.

Even the busy Mr. Federal Way himself mailed in his ballot and filled it out with his birth-given name. If you want to verify whether this columnist did in fact vote, you may search the voter rolls for any name with an “r” in it — that’s as close to identifying Mr. Federal Way as this columnist has ever come.

But if 53 percent of Federal Way voters approved Initiative 502 that legalized pot-smoking statewide, then what changed this time around with the Advisory Proposition 1 vote? And how will the council handle that disparity?

Mr. Federal Way suspects the council will play a game of hide-and-seek and take the easy way out, hiding safely behind those who voted no to the advisory vote.

Mr. Federal Way implores the council to do their homework, take a field trip to a nearby pot shop, speak with law enforcement in that area and find out if crime is really an issue surrounding those shops or not. And listen to the voters who did vote in favor of legalizing marijuana three years ago. They may have been too dazed and confused to cast their ballots this time around, but their votes matter too.

Q: Mr. Federal Way, here we go again. In addition to all of the wet trick-or-treaters who showed up on my doorstep, so too did a soggy Federal Way Mirror last week. There were literally dozens of 10 pound piles of mush throughout my neighborhood that were the end result of your newspaper being thrown in our wet driveways without a plastic sack. What will your advertisers think about this?

A: The Mirror’s advertisers will first of all be glad that your newspaper made it to your doorstep, as you mentioned. Kudos to the 16-year-old delivery driver who managed to throw well and aim correctly.

Mr. Federal Way has opined on moist Mirrors during past wet seasons. As Mr. Federal Way has suggested before, assuming you have been a resident of the Pacific Northwest longer than a few winter months, Mr. Federal Way is sure you realize it rains a lot here.

Mr. Federal Way even offered tips to readers to resolve your wet-weekly-paper-problem, including fetching your periodical from your driveway as soon as it’s delivered instead of waiting until Saturday morning to retrieve it. The Mirror’s delivery window is Friday between 2-6 p.m.

But Mr. Federal Way received backlash in the past for placing the burden on Mirror readers. One reader was so outraged he wrote a letter to the editor, stating, “… I sell advertising for a living and I wouldn’t feel comfortable selling ads in a wet newspaper. I’m glad I have a recycle bin and your plastic bag is very useful when I walk my dog in the morning. It’s nice to give a snarky answer, when it’s not your money being wasted.”

Point taken.

But time is money and Mr. Federal Way spends a lot of time every week writing columns for the Mirror and getting paid circus peanuts. And the aforesaid letter writer’s argument holds true with Mr. Federal Way’s weekly Q&As as perhaps people are unable to read their favorite columnist (sorry, Mr. Roegner) if the pages are laden in rain water.

So Mr. Federal Way is shifting the onus to the Mirror’s publisher, who has always said he is fair game for criticism. Mr. Alcott, what say you? The next time it rains, Mr. Federal Way will start his own paper mâche project.

Please look for him scouring your neighborhood and scooping wet papers, which he will take back to the Mirror office and mold into a life-size statue of Mayor Jim Ferrell. Mr. Federal Way will set up this paper mâche mayoral statue in front of the publisher’s desk, which will serve as a newspaper watchdog until the publisher can solve this moist mess.

Q: Mr. Federal Way, I heard the Mirror office has become a marijuana destination of sorts. What’s that all about?

A: None of your business.

Got a question for Mr. Federal Way? Email mrfederalway@federalwaymirror.com