It’s been a busy year in Federal Way for criminals and police alike. Below are some of the police log items throughout 2012 that made us laugh and shake our heads at the things people get themselves into here in Federal Way.

• Stolen vehicle: At 10:06 p.m. Jan. 4 in the 28000 block of Pacific Highway South, a stolen vehicle was spotted proceeding down Pac Highway. According to the report, the vehicle was stopped and the three occupants were arrested. One of the occupants gave a statement to police indicating that all three were aware the vehicle was stolen. Also, according to the report, one of the suspects gave his name as George Everybodytalksabout.

• Give me my pigs feet: At 4:31 p.m. Jan. 8 in the 27000 block of Pacific Highway South, a woman called police to report an argument with her boyfriend. According to the report, the two were arguing over groceries, specifically a package of pigs feet.

• When worlds collide: At 10:01 p.m. Jan. 16 in the 34000 block of 16th Avenue South, two men were in a fight. According to the report, the first man became angry when he observed his girlfriend of two years kissing a co-worker at her work. He assaulted the man she kissed. After the altercation, it was discovered that the woman had a two-month-long relationship with the co-worker as well. The two men declined to press charges against each other.

• Things not to do with $20,000 in outstanding warrants: At 8:19 p.m. Jan. 18 in the 31000 block of 2nd Lane SW, a woman contacted police about an unknown person asking her to let him into her residence. According to the report, the woman believed it was an ex-boyfriend with whom she has a no-contact order. During her call to police, the woman gave her full information to dispatch, at which time it was discovered the woman had $20,000 in outstanding warrants out of Kent. The woman was arrested and transferred over to Kent police.

• Ex-girlfriend makes good on promise: At 12:12 a.m. Feb. 25 in the 1800 block of South 291st Place, a man called to report that his ex-girlfriend had assaulted him while they were in Burien. As part of their argument, the ex-girlfriend stated she was going to go to the man’s residence, break in and steal stuff. According to the report, when the man returned home, he found a broken window and his 73-inch television gone.

• Public masturbator at playground: At 12:05 p.m. March 4 in the 1600 block of SW 304th Street, a mother and her children were playing at a playground. According to the report, the mother noticed a man across the playground with his hands down his pants, apparently masturbating. The mother promptly contacted police, but the man had left the area by the time police arrived.

• Women fight over karaoke: At 12:26 a.m. March 18 in the 2200 block of SW 336th Street, police responded to a call regarding a fight in a bar. According to the report, two women ended up in a physical fight over karaoke. Police confirmed the details of the fight with several witnesses. The report notes that both women planned to press charges against each other.

• Dad tells stories about mom to kids: At 5:34 p.m. March 24 in the 4700 block of SW 325th Place, a woman called to report her estranged husband had been telling their children that she is possessed by the devil and has demons inside of her.

• Man runs with pants down through Walmart parking lot: At 10:50 a.m. March 31 in the 34000 block of 16th Avenue South, police responded to reports of a man running naked through the Walmart parking lot. According to the report, police observed a man running through the parking lot with his pants around his ankles, while a woman in a van drove alongside him, urging him to get back in the van. The report notes that police caught up to the duo later, and that the man’s antics were precipitated by an argument with the woman.

• Desperate times call for desperate measures: At 11:16 a.m. April 6 in the 1600 block of South 347th Place, a restaurant reported that a man had been in the restaurant, handing out business cards to women. According to the report, the cards described the man’s desire to get married and have a family. The restaurant requested that police trespass the man from the premises if he returned.

• This bed is just right: At 10:33 a.m. April 7 in the 31000 block of Pacific Highway South, the Comfort Inn Hotel reported that one of its rooms had been broken into. According to the report, entry was made by smashing out one of the room’s exterior windows. The report notes that no items were stolen, but that it appeared both beds had been slept in by the unknown suspects.

• Pantsless lurker haunts local trail: At 6:51 a.m. April 3 in the 33000 block of 1st Place SW, a woman reported encountering a strange man near a local trail. The woman indicated that the man walked into a nearby apartment complex once he became aware of her, and that he was not wearing pants, because she could see his exposed buttocks. The report notes that other walkers of the trail have reported encountering the same man in his pantsless condition.

• Hungry thief: At 1:54 p.m. April 4 in the 32000 block of 16th Avenue SW, a man reported someone stole food out of the fridge in his garage. According to the report, the man believed someone may have snuck in when the garage door was still open. The report notes the stolen items included eggs, Pepsi, butter and coffee.

• New inductee in the Stupid Criminal Hall of Fame: At 3:56 p.m. May 6 in the 35000 block of 21st Avenue SW, a woman entered a store and stole a drill by concealing it in the undercarriage of her baby stroller. According to the report, police were able to locate her because she had signed up for a drawing at the store, and provided her name and address as part of her entry.

• At least he didn’t wake up in a bathtub full of ice: At 11:16 a.m. May 5 in the 31000 block of Pacific Highway South, a man reported that a number of his belongings had gone missing, including his wallet and other personal effects. According to the report, the man had been cited and released for a DUI the night before. The man said he had attempted to find a cab home. Instead, according to the report, the man woke up in an unknown vehicle in the parking lot of a hotel in Kent, with a receipt for a room at the hotel.

• Paying for sex: At 10:39 p.m. June 10 in the 1700 block of South 305th Place, a man agreed to pay $50 to have sex with a girl. According to the report, the deal was setup through an online chat site. When the man arrived at an apartment to have sex, the girl took his $50 and ran away. Another woman then came out and threatened the man with a knife. The man disarmed the woman and left the scene. The report notes the suspect was booked into King County Juvenile for prostitution.

• Juggalo keeping it real: At 12:46 p.m. June 16 in the 2200 block of S. Commons, an underaged teen was observed smoking a cigarette outside of Target. According to the report, the teen was dressed up as a “Juggalo,” part of the hardcore fan group of the rap group Insane Clown Posse. The report also notes that the teen had a hatchet on his person.

• Strange book left for woman: At 7:32 p.m. July 15 in the 2100 block of South 324th Street, a woman contacted police regarding a book that had been left on her doorstep by an unknown person. According to the report, the book was titled “Predator” and is a story about a rapist. The woman was understandably unnerved and contacted police, who filed the book into evidence.

• That’s a lot of dimes: At 6:08 p.m. July 7 in the 30000 block of 8th Avenue SW, the victim reported that they believed an ex-roommate had stolen $1,600 in dimes from them.

• The perils of apartment living: At 8:55 p.m. Aug. 11 in the 2100 block of SW 352nd Street, the victim’s clothes were taken from a shared apartment dryer. According to the report, the unknown suspect left a note for the victim, indicating the victim’s clothes would be returned, as soon as the suspect’s clothes were returned. The victim had no idea what the note was referring to, according to the report.

• Flasher on BPA trail: At 2:16 p.m. Sept. 6 in the 1000 block of South 324th St, a mentally ill man was caught exposing himself to passersby on the BPA Trail. The man was returned to his caregiver, who assured police this would not happen in the future.

• Toothbrush holder assault: At 1:08 a.m. Sept. 23 in the 33000 block of 10th Avenue SW, a woman assaulted a man with a toothbrush holder. The man received a bump to the head and experienced bleeding as a result of the assault.

• Come for the fight, stay for the food: At 2:09 a.m. Sept. 29 in the 2400 block of SW 336th Street, a fight erupted between people in two separate cars at a drive-thru lane of a fast food restaurant. By the time the police arrived, the fight had ended, but the report notes that at least one group had stayed and was in the process of still getting their food.

• Teen gets the ultimate ‘I told you so’ over mom: At 6:43 p.m. Oct. 14 in the 30000 block of 22nd Avenue South, a mother and her teenage son were arguing, with the mother accusing the son of having drugs in the house. The son responded by contacting police and requesting a K-9 unit to come search the house for drugs. Police complied, and no drugs were found in the residence.

• Dookie happens: At 11 a.m. Oct. 21 in the 30800 block of Pacific Highway South, a victim reported that an unknown suspect smeared feces all over the door to his apartment. The victim didn’t know who might have done it. The apartment complex’s management cleaned up the mess.

• Man loves the Macy’s bathroom: At 12:22 p.m. Nov. 4 in the 1900 block of South Commons, a man was arrested for photographing other men in the men’s restroom at Macy’s. According to the report, the suspect had been trespassed from Macy’s previously after he was caught masturbating in the same restroom. The report notes that the trespassed order had expired.

• Shoplifting suspect stoops to a new low: At 6:26 p.m. Nov. 3 in the 1700 block of South Commons, the suspect used his mentally challenged brother to attempt to steal a pair of shoes valued at $29.99. The plot was foiled, and the competent brother was arrested.

• Boyfriend and girlfriend have wild stories: At 5:30 p.m. Nov. 16 in an undisclosed location in Federal Way, a woman contacted police, saying her boyfriend was holding her against her will and forcibly raping her. The boyfriend denied the claims, and said he gives the woman money for drugs, and she repays him with sex. The boyfriend also indicated the woman is free to go at any time she likes.

• Rocky underwear: At 9:40 a.m. Dec. 8 in the 2600 block of SW 320th Place, the reporting party indicated they had found a pair of women’s underwear with rocks rolled up in them near their driveway. Police inspected the underwear and determined there was nothing further to be done and disposed of the underwear.

• You’re doing it wrong: At 2:01 a.m. Dec. 9 in the 37000 block of 8th Avenue South, a man went to a woman friend’s house in an attempt to have sex with her. According to the report, the man had offered to pay her money initially, but had decided to try and convince her to have sex with him for free once he arrived at her place. At that time, two unknown men showed up and began to intimidate the man. The man took the two unknown men to an ATM and handed over $300. The report is unclear on whether the man ever got have sex with the woman.

• Unconscious and toothless outside of a bar: At 2:07 a.m. Dec. 16 in the 27000 block of Pacific Highway South, a man was found outside of a bar unconscious and missing teeth. Police and fire personnel revived the man at the scene. According to the report, the man was uncooperative and went home with friends who were also at the bar.