Black men, white women, honest dialogue
Published 12:36 pm Friday, May 9, 2008
How can I, a white woman with a nice house and loving family, suggest that I have been the target of racial discrimination?
How can I stand up and say, “I have felt the pain of hatred through no fault of my own, but simply because of what I am?”
Have I felt racial discrimination? Yes. And I have as much right to feel victimized by it as anyone else from any other race. However, I do not think that the types of discrimination against me are as virulent or caustic as they have been against other races, particularly African American.
It would be an insult for me to suggest that I have ever felt anything along the lines of fearing for my life or my freedom simply because I am white. I recognize that this is the case for other races, and I am appalled.
There is, of course, reverse discrimination, which many in my family have experienced through threat, intimidation and even in our jobs. I can honestly say I have feared for my safety because of my skin color. Then there is the phenomenon of being an outcast in our changing community, where American-born whites (and blacks) are excluded by those new to our country — people who are changing and shaping our community and our culture.
Discrimination in today’s world is more about fear than hate. I believe fear also drives the stereotypes associated with discrimination.
There have been black men who think I am afraid of them because I am a white woman. I can’t tell you how many times my actions have been misinterpreted. The other day, I was working out with a new group of people and hadn’t met most of them yet. We were doing push-ups and a black man positioned himself next to me and began his push-ups at the exact moment I finished mine. He immediately said, “Hey, you don’t have to leave just because of me,” thinking I was trying to move away from him. In fact, I was simply finished with that circuit and ready to go to the next.
I believe a lot of black men fear being accused of things that never even enter their minds. I also believe the cliche of a white woman crossing the street in fear of a black man is usually just a myth — these days. I’ve spoken with other white women who have had similar experiences and actually try to stay on the same side of the street, smile and try to make eye contact with the man as if to say, “I trust you.”
Much of my childhood was spent in Missouri, wondering if I’d make new friends in the new neighborhood. It never occurred to me to wonder if they’d be black or white. As I grew up, I realized my white friends didn’t like my black friends and vice-versa. Racism was rampant in Missouri. Whites called me a “(N-word) lover” for having black friends, and blacks called me a honky for being white. This only made me realize that we are all just people who deserve mutual respect.
Opening up an ongoing, in-depth and honest dialogue among and between races, where no one is accosted for his/her feelings and beliefs, is vital to moving past these issues. And, I’ll put one issue to rest right now. I don’t care what color you are — if you’re a man and I feel threatened in any way, I’m crossing the street.
Kelly Maloney is a Federal Way resident. Send comments to
editor@fedwaymirror.com.
