Many parents and teens see the world differently.

Phrases such as “Geez, mom! What’s the big deal?” or “Everyone is doing it…” have been around for generations and described anything from concerts to mini-skirts to drugs and sex. Today’s twist? Nude photos of teens sent via picture mail on cell phones.

Bothell teens were in the news recently for being suspended from the cheer team for allegedly sending nude pictures of themselves via cell phone to at least one girl’s boyfriend — three years ago. When school officials became aware of the incidents recently, the girls were suspended from the team for varying lengths of time, and a lawsuit by the parents has ensued. The incident has been the topic du jour on local talk radio, with parents and others weighing in on appropriate consequences and whether a lawsuit is valid.

Regardless of whether teens view taking and sending nude or partially nude photos as a “big deal,” it is, in fact, illegal if they are under 18. Taking nude pictures of a minor and sending them digitally via cell phone or e-mail falls under the definition of child pornography, whether or not we agree that it should. Even if moral standards differ between generations (imagine!), one point that cannot be denied is the illegality of the practice. Judgment aside, there is a potential for serious ramifications for illegal behavior, be it drugs, underage drinking or sending nude digital photos. With the latter, it only takes a few clicks for that photo to be up on MySpace, Facebook or other social media sites — and broadcast to a much wider audience.

I again appeal to us as the adults to use these teachable moments to teach. The Bothell teens are not the first youth find themselves unwillingly in a crash course in illegal sexual behavior. Perhaps they would still have taken and sent the photos if they knew it was illegal, but maybe they did not fully understand the seriousness of their behavior. Perhaps they thought they just wouldn’t get caught, or perhaps there had not been frank discussions in these homes or in school or in church or with friends about the costs of such practices.

I do not recommend sitting your teen down and lecturing him or her about the woes of potential prosecution for a litany of possible offenses. Consider instead calmly asking questions to understand where their knowledge, comfort level and understanding of terms like “minor,” “pornography” and “sexually explicit material.” Perhaps this is news to you, too, as a parent, relative, teacher or friend. Possible lead-ins to your discussion: Do you know what I heard today? Did you know that? What do you think about that?

Though we cannot always determine or agree with what is and isn’t a big deal to our teenage offspring and loved ones, we can be aware of issues affecting them and do our best to be the adults they can come to. The time invested in your relationship with your teen is worth it, and much less expensive than a lawsuit.

Amy Johnson, MSW, is a personal life and parent coach in Federal Way. She facilitates faith and sexuality classes for youth, and parenting classes in the Puget Sound area. Contact: comments@diligentjoy.com.