Mary (a fictitious name) is a 15-year-old high school student.

She has been feeling stressed out about her parents’ divorce. They seem to argue a lot, and tuning her parents out doesn’t help.

The last straw was when she and her boyfriend broke up. That is when Mary secretly started cutting her inner arms. She took a sharp pair of scissors from her desk drawer, dragging the blade between her wrist and elbow until she had created a 4-inch cut that was deep enough to draw blood, but not deep enough to require stitches.

Relief rushed through her body, easing the stress and emotional pain she had felt. Mary didn’t know how to describe or talk about what she was experiencing or doing to herself.

Self injury usually starts during adolescence and affects more girls than boys. Self injury may start out innocently enough as curiosity, a cry for help, or an attempt at peer acceptance. All too quickly, self injury can turn into a negative habit, much like smoking. And, similar to smoking, cutting is an addictive behavior that is very difficult to break.

Self injury is destructive and habit forming, eventually taking on a life of its own. Teenagers will go to great extents to hide and conceal the behavior from their parents including deceiving, lying and isolating.

If you or someone you know is engaged in self injury, rest assured that you are not alone and help is available. There are other alternatives available to people who self injure — options that don’t include using a sharp object or burning your skin to relieve the emotional pain within. Addressing the cause of the pain and dealing with the emotions that lead to self injury will lead to healing and mastery of the addictive behavior that has taken over your life.

Common

myths about self injury

Myth: People who self injure enjoy pain.

This statement is false. In truth, individuals who self injure don’t enjoy pain more than anyone else. Rather, they are trying to avoid the emotional pain that they don’t know how to deal with.

Myth: People who self injure have a death wish.

This statement is also false. The desire to end your life and self injure are two separate issues. People who suffer from severe depression may become suicidal. People who self injure may or may not be depressed or suicidal. In fact, few people who self injure actually attempt suicide. Those who do try to take their life also suffer from depression and the suicidal thoughts that severe depression can lead to.

Myth: Self injury is a teenage phase that they will eventually grow out of.

Self injury is a serious problem that requires immediate, professional intervention. Self injury is not something that should be taken lightly, in the hopes that the behavior will go away. Get yourself or your loved one the help that they need and deserve.

Jennifer L. Gray, Ph.D., is a Federal Way therapist who works with children, adolescents and their families. Contact: (253) 653-0168 or write Psychotherapy Associates, Parklane Executive Center, 31620 23rd Ave. S., Suite 318, Federal Way, WA 98003.