Stonewalled by City Hall and frosty football | Q&A with Mr. Federal Way

Published 4:20 pm Friday, January 8, 2016

Q: Mr. Federal Way, it seems like there are not a lot of choices for better Internet in Federal Way. Is there any chance you think the City Council would be open to applying for Google Fiber?

A: Mr. Federal Way was very interested in this question because Mr. Federal Way agrees with you. The options in the entire state of Washington seem to be lacking, not just in Federal Way.

The current providers have little incentive to improve their service since they have no one in the area pushing them to be better. Mr. Federal Way would love to hear that the City Council would apply for Google Fiber.

Sadly, Mr. Federal Way will have to get back to you about this request because Mr. Federal Way will be waiting on a public records request to go through the city on some information Mr. Federal Way wanted to gather.

Mr. Federal Way had a colleague ask City Hall nicely for this information, as Mr. Federal Way has done in the past, but this time the response from Chief of Staff Brian Wilson was: “The mayor’s office will not be providing information to or for a fictional character’s satire/opinion column in the Federal Way Mirror.”

The last time Mr. Federal Way checked, the skin, and what may possibly be some muscle, on Mr. Federal Way’s bones is very real.

The only thing Mr. Federal Way knows to be fictional at the Mirror is Mr. Alcott’s sense of humor.

Mr. Federal Way will wait on the information to allow for a better answer to this concerned citizen’s question. There’s no reason for Mr. Federal Way to try to double-dip on the questioning after being rejected once already.

Well maybe there is, but Mr. Federal Way is not the type of person who wants to get rejected multiple times.

Q: Mr. Federal Way, I haven’t seen you talk about the Seahawks in awhile. How are you feeling about the game in Minnesota this weekend?

A: You’re right, it has been awhile since Mr. Federal Way really talked sports, hasn’t it?

Well, Mr. Federal Way’s first feeling is that Mr. Federal Way will be much happier watching the game in front of the fireplace instead of in the stands on Sunday.

Temperature’s have been estimated to be from -1 to 4 degrees on Sunday in Minneapolis. That’s even before the wind chill kicks in and makes it even colder.

Mr. Federal Way was cold just looking out at the snow this weekend, there’s no way any sane person would want to be in those frigid temperatures.

Luckily, some of those insane people are Hawks fans. With the frosty forecast, Vikings fans haven’t been buying tickets like most would expect for a playoff game. Many of those crazy Seahawks fans have scooped them up for cheap and Mr. Federal Way expects there to be a decent-sized contingent of Hawks fans making the trip.

The Seahawks already made Minnesota feel just like home earlier this season with their 38-7 win a month ago, so Mr. Federal Way isn’t too afraid of the Vikings ending the Hawks season.

But it is the playoffs, so who knows what can happen.

Maybe Teddy Bridgewater figures out how to throw the ball more than 10 yards down the field. Maybe Adrian Peterson actually realizes that his goal is to hold onto the football. Maybe Matt Kalil and the rest of the Vikings’ O-lines stop looking like the turnstiles at the entrance of the stadium.

It’s possible, but it’s not likely. Mr. Federal Way likes the Seahawks in this one by a couple scores, even with the freezing conditions.

Stay warm out there Hawks fans.

Q: Mr. Federal Way, did you play in the snow on Sunday?

A: None of your business.

Got a question for Mr. Federal Way? Email mrfederalway@federalwaymirror.com