SIDELINES: Wondering why my 10-year-old thinks he knows more about sports than me

Published 9:49 am Friday, July 15, 2011

Why don’t my kids listen to me?

It’s a question every parent has asked millions of times over. That question is even more difficult to answer while attempting to offer your kid some advice on the sporting field. Like other parents, I have been stonewalled while trying to dish out a little assistance.

“I know, dad,” is the stock answer.

Here is my situation. I’m not some IT director whose only foray into competitive sports comes from playing right field every Thursday night on the company’s coed softball team. I signed an actual letter of intent and played baseball at Gonzaga University. I’ve stepped into the batter’s box, and I have seen (and heard) a 95-mph Major League fastball. Obviously, I didn’t hit very many of them, which is why I’m writing about sports instead of getting paid to play them.

So, when I try to give my 10-year-old son advice about how to properly swing a bat or field a ground ball, I know what I’m talking about, for the most part. But he acts as if I’m attempting to explain something as basic as 2+2 = 4.

“I know how to do it, dad,” is his standard answer.

To which I respond, “No you don’t, son. You’ve struck out the last five times you’ve been up to bat. Your eyes are actually closed while the pitch is coming, which isn’t ideal.”

“That’s what my coach tells me to do, dad.”

“Son, I’m pretty sure that your coach doesn’t tell you to shut your eyes and swing, even though he is an IT director at Microsoft.”

“Yes he does, dad. I’m serious.”

“I will ask him at your next practice.”

“Go ahead.”

At this point, I usually give up on the conversation because I can’t win. It also makes me wonder how fathers can coach their kids’ teams. It would drive me absolutely insane.

It can’t be just my kids, can it? Do other parents have similar conversations with their children after “attempting” to actually teach them how to become better players?

I even went as far as telling my dad about my kids taking my sporting advice in one ear and immediately out the other. And here’s what he told me: “Wow, that sounds familiar. You did the same thing.”

So I guess I’m not alone.

In other sports-related news:

• You have to respect what New York Yankees fan Christian Lopez did last week. In case you were under a rock, Lopez caught Derek Jeter’s 3,000th hit, which happened to be a home run. And instead of trying to sell the ball, he decided to give it back to Jeter.

Can’t say whether I would have done the same thing. Who knows how much that ball will be worth. Jeter is the first Yankee to gather 3,000 hits and only the second player in history to do it with a homer.

But things have worked out pretty nicely for Lopez, a 23-year-old cellphone salesman. According to reports, the Yankees gave Lopez luxury box tickets for the rest of the season (including postseason), signed baseballs, bats and jerseys from Jeter. He also received front-row seats to Sunday’s Yankees-Rays game. Lopez will get his own baseball card and has received a 2009 World Series ring.

Lopez’s bounty set off some media speculation that he would have to play taxes on his windfall. According to the New York Daily News and New York Times, that tax bill could end up being anywhere from $5,000 to $14,000.

“Worse comes to worse, I’ll have to pay the taxes,” Lopez told the Daily News on Monday. “I’m not going to return the seats. I have a lot of family and friends who will help me out if need be. The IRS has a job to do, so I’m not going to hold it against them, but it would be cool if they helped me out a little on this.”

Lopez won’t have to worry about the IRS coming after him. Miller High Life issued a statement Wednesday saying the company would cover the tax bill. Lopez also will get $25,000 each from Modell’s Sporting Goods and Steiner Sports to help with student loans.

You see kids, good things happen to good people.