Ryan Lochte’s emotional interview with Matt Lauer shows a man struggling to come to terms with what it means to, well, be a man.

Watching the story unfold during the Olympic Games, many of our feelings swung from concern for Lochte and his teammates to embarrassment about the ugliness of American privilege being shown on a world stage.

Make no mistake. Male athletes are in the news all the time for horrible behavior.

That same week, ex-NFL star Darren Sharper was sentenced to 18 years for drugging and sexually assaulting several women in multiple states (www.latimes.com).

We live in a society that is steeped in a “boys-will-be-boys” attitude as part of its culture, and we season that attitude with unconscious sexism and a huge side helping of privilege.

Let’s look at those one at a time.

1. Stop saying (and acting like) “boys will be boys”

This is used to excuse mischievous (at best) and violent (at worst) behavior among male-bodied people. It is a cop-out and sexist. When anyone is doing something that is disrespectful or injurious to another, regardless of gender or age, we need to call them on it. In the case of children, it is our job as adults to give them standards to which to adhere and alternatives to their inappropriate behavior. By not intervening, guiding and giving alternative ways to behave to boys as much as we do with girls, we silently condone violence — or even show amusement for it. What to do instead:

• “Remember our rule about keeping our hands to ourselves? When you pushed your brother, you weren’t following that rule. What can you do instead?”

• “In our house (classroom, scout troop, church), the rule is no hitting or pushing. I need you to sit here until you can tell me three things you can do instead and how you will make amends to the person you hurt.”

• Learn about creating a “peace table” for conflict resolution among children. Here’s a link to get you started: https://iheartmontessori.wordpress.com/2012/11/27/setting-the-peace-table-children-conflict-resolution/

2. Unconscious sexism

By definition, largely outside of our awareness, unconscious sexism includes things like teachers inadvertently giving more attention and academic contact to boys than girls (https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/gender-and-schooling/201403/the-danger-boys-will-be-boys).

Many of us will contend that we are not sexist — and we may not be, at least in an overt manner. However, our culture is biased toward males. If the fact that it’s 2016 and we’ve only just now nominated a woman for president isn’t enough to convince you, take a look at these commercials from Pantene — https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B8gz-jxjCmg — and Always —https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjJQBjWYDTs. What can you do? Start by not blowing off the idea that unconscious sexism exists. Look for it. Learn about it. Call it when you see it.

3. Privilege

It’s no surprise we value our sports in America, and we all love a hero. While this can be fun, provide entertainment and even be inspiring when those athletes are role models for young children, it’s important to dig deeper.

Many studies show that preteen children routinely identify what they want to be when they grow up as “famous.” Ideas associated with fame include financial wealth, attention, acceptance and that underlying idea that you might not get in trouble for stuff because you’re a celebrity. That last idea is a part of what folks mean when they talk about privilege.

Make sure your kids know that fame rarely comes instantly. It’s almost always preceded by years of hard work and sacrifice. In addition, do your best to include content in your child’s media consumption that supports your family values. Involve yourself and your children in community service, to strengthen values of community, relationships and caring for others. Even if you do become famous, there’s a responsibility that comes with having a lot of eyes on you.

Ryan Lochte wants the opportunity to prove himself a good role model after a huge mistake on a world stage. Take the time now to counter pervasive messages about gender, sexism and power in our society. The payoff will benefit us all more than any number of gold medals.

Amy Johnson, MSW, is a trainer and educator in the Pacific Northwest. She is co-author of two books and facilitates classes and workshops in the Puget Sound area. Amy specializes in sexuality education and in promoting safe and healthy sexuality culture in faith communities. All opinions are her own. Amy can be reached at comments@diligentjoy.com