Disclaimer: Mr. Federal Way is taking a much-needed vacation this week after, apparently, touching a bit of a nerve with residents recently. Mr. Federal Way is on a staycation, and his daily outings this week may involve finding the best bar nuts in Federal Way and, of course, spying on City Hall. Readers of the Mirror will be treated to the next best thing — Mrs. Federal Way, who is taking over Mr. Federal Way’s award-winning and super-popular column for a week.

Q: Mrs. Federal Way, where on earth have you been? What have you been up to since we last heard from you?

A: Well, hello there, my darlings. My has Mrs. Federal Way missed you all and the Mirror. It’s been almost two years since we last came together, and that’s just far too long. Thank goodness my adorable husband, Mr. Federal Way, made some …noise … so that you and I could finally come together for a cup of tea once again. Mrs. Federal Way has a great deal to catch up on it seems. Andy Hobbs is back with the Mirror. Mrs. Federal Way swears the last time she saw that young man, he was still in diapers. Mrs. Federal Way couldn’t be more proud and feel any older. Bob Roegner is still with the Mirror. He appears to be alive and … alive. Good news darlings: Since we last spoke, Mr. Federal Way came to his senses and succumbed to Mrs. Federal Way’s garden. It’s not the two acres Mrs. Federal Way suggested, but it does the job. Now Mrs. Federal Way has a place to retreat now that people are … taking off … on Mr. Federal Way after his airplane remarks. The latest editions of green labyrinths with cobblestone pathways and small ponds have made it the perfect blend of beauty, peace and zen for all the roaring that goes on in this town. Mrs. Federal Way has kept plenty busy with the green thumb. But Mrs. Federal Way has missed all her darlings and jumped at the opportunity to catch up with you all. Plus, let’s face it, we could all use a break from Mr. Federal Way. Even yours truly.

Q: Mrs. Federal Way, what’s your secret in putting up with your husband? Some of his thoughts and opinions can be unbelievably abrasive.

A: The answer to this is quite simple. Mrs. Federal Way handles Mr. Federal Way the same way she treats a glass of Remy Martin Louis XIII: Small — SMALL portions. It’s why Mrs. Federal Way got her zen garden despite Mr. Federal Way’s incessant push back. Also, thanks to one of Mrs. Federal Way’s darlings at the hair dresser, Mrs. Federal Way discovered hot yoga about nine months ago, and it’s a game changer. Mind you, Mrs. Federal Way can only go once a week, but it does the job. Mrs. Federal has also continued staying active in her community involvement. There was the farmers market and Relay for Life, amongst other tremendous happenings. But when the phone rang, Mrs. Federal Way jumped at the chance to dabble back into writing. Let’s all be honest together. This city needs the voice of a highly-opinionated woman far more often. Remember, if you see Mrs. Federal Way at Safeway, don’t hesitate to say hello. And let’s not wait another two years before we visit again. Cheers, darlings.

Q: Mrs. Federal Way, how old are you?

A: Darling, a gentry woman like Mrs. Federal Way would never entertain such a question. That is none of your business.

This column is produced by Mirror staff. Got a question for Mrs. Federal Way? Email mrfederalway@federalwaymirror.com.