Q: Mr. Federal Way, do you support the school district’s construction bond in the Nov. 7 election?
A: Normally, Mr. Federal Way doesn’t talk about voting preferences because Mr. Federal Way’s voting preferences are none of your business. But in this case, Mr. Federal Way will make an exception. Schools are a crucial component to a community’s quality of life, and quality schools are a crucial component to a child’s future.
Part of the equation is to create a proper learning environment, which is difficult to do when children are packed like sardines into trailers that are parked outside crumbling overcrowded schools that were built in the 1950s and 1960s.
Aside from rebuilding eight aging schools and upgrading basic infrastructure across the district, the best part about the proposed bond is that it will not raise Mr. Federal Way’s taxes. Mr. Federal Way dislikes most taxes, but Mr. Federal Way also understands the moral obligation to take care of our children and the community.
Q: Mr. Federal Way, what do you think about all of this sitting and kneeling going on right now in the NFL? Do you think it’s disrespectful, or are you OK with it?
A: Wait. Stop it. Is someone new approving these questions? Now readers are allowed to ask Mr. Federal Way not one, but two follow-up questions? What is this newspaper world coming to, honestly? Listen here folks, go ahead, gather round real close so you don’t miss it.
“The Star-Spangled Banner,” you know, this musical poem that takes place during said “protest,” makes quite a statement. In the final, and often forgotten verse, it says “Praise the Power that has made and preserved us as a nation.” Now, take a breath, and let Mr. Federal Way explain.
Mr. Federal Way knows this poem was written after Mr. Key witnessed an act of war.
However, another power that preserves us as a nation is called the Constitution of the United States. Mr. Federal Way shall wait for you to pull up your copy on the iPhone. A piece of the First Amendment of this fancy document, yes, the very first one states: “Congress shall make no law prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech [or expression].” It also allows people the right to peacefully assemble.
Players like Michael Bennett (go Hawks!), Colin Kaepernick, and a third of the Cleveland Browns’ offensive line are well within their rights to sit or kneel, or dance all they want. You, as a viewer, have just as much power.
With a quick flick of a button, you could change the channel. Boom. Almost as if it never happened. You pay to watch athletes perform at what they do. Your ticket does not allow you to tell them what they can and cannot believe in. Mr. Federal Way is fine with it.
If you don’t like it, change the channel.
Don’t try to change the Constitution.
Q: Mr. Federal Way, where did you go on vacation?
A: None of your business.
This column is staff produced. Got a question for Mr. Federal Way? Email firstname.lastname@example.org.