My two cents – with change to spare | Rudi Alcott

• I had a constituent ask me about a quotes box where we list a quote of the day by the community leaders. I like the accountability. Let me know what you think.

• In February, Federal Way will celebrate 20 years. Lots of good stuff coming. Look for details concerning this fun filled weekend in the next few weeks. However, this isn’t the issue. We are now out of our teenage years. It’s time to grow up, Federal Way. We can’t use youth as an excuse for our mistakes anymore.

• How about Homer Simpson for mayor? We can turn all of the AM/PM’s into Kwik-E-Marts. I’ll play Bart.

• Why is it that Federal Way is home to all the players of major crime events? Folks like Gary Ridgway and Maurice Clemmons. Both the worst of the worst. We’re all filled up here. Go somewhere else, like Bellevue or Duvall.

• Why is it that all of the people I get behind in the checkout lane on state assistance have pets that eat very well? They always have expensive canned high-end dog food. Don’t get me wrong, I love our furry friends as much as the next person, but not at the expense of feeding their own children.

• When did Christ get taken out of Christmas? “Happy Holidays” is now the preferred greeting in this politically correct world. Christmas is a Christian holiday. Let us have it. P.C. or not, I’m keeping it in. Other religions have their own holidays. They can call it whatever they want. I could care less, but I wouldn’t be presumptuous enough to ask that they change the name, so neither should they.

• We all know what the speed of light is. It’s the exact inverse of the speed of dark. In lay terms, the speed of light is the fastest that any object, being or even light can travel. According to Albert Einstein, the closer an object gets to the speed of light, the more mass it gains. Therefore, more fuel is needed for propulsion. One begins to offset the other and you top out in speed. Infinity begins to kick in at this time, and all of the infinity in fuel gains you infinity in mass. Sounds like a great diet plan. The faster you go, the heavier you get. Nice. Sign me up. There’s no warp drive or hyperspace in Einstein’s world. So then, that being said, how did we get here first? According to the Big Bang Theory, we all originated from a single point — a singularity — and the universe is expanding at the speed of light. However, a few weeks ago, scientists claimed they had seen a light source that was dated back to about 500 million years after the Big Bang. Huh? How’s that possible? That would assume we were here first and the light from the beginning of time is just now reaching us.

• One last thing as I hang out in line waiting to check out: I realize that women will never be equal to men until they can go out in public with a beer gut and bald head and think they are sexy. Wow, men are pigs. Actually, that comparison might be insulting to pigs. Ladies, you should get extra presents under your tree for just having to put up with us.


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