We have been fortunate in our household to have enjoyed the customs, traditions and cultures of four au pairs (nannies) from Japan, Canada, Germany and Peru.

We loved them all and to this day keep in touch with three of them. One is now a U.S. citizen, and we see her on special occasions. While I was working in the corporate world, my husband and I felt good about our decision to welcome them into our home. We were happy this experience was broadening the lives not only of our children and us, but the girls as well.

At times it wasn’t easy understanding each other’s cultures, needs and reasons for doing certain things certain ways. An example is when we met the Japanese girl at the airport. I hugged her, expressing my delight at meeting her. She was taken aback by my show of affection.

I later learned her culture is more reserved. It was a strong reminder that misunderstandings can set the tone for relationships. Sometimes it felt as if we were from different planets. But, through effective communication and a lot of effort, we eventually began to see things from the other’s perspective and found common ground.

We welcomed the girls into our family culture as well as the ways of America. We respected their norms and mores and let them know we were eager to learn about their respective cultures.

In a sense, it was a micro-community that reflected what Federal Way and the rest of America was (and is) experiencing with the explosion of new immigrants into our country. I believe what we did on a small level — assimilation and inclusion — are two of the most important aspects toward bringing “family” unity to our changing and growing community.

There’s been a transformation occurring due to immigration. For example, certain American cultural celebrations aren’t being celebrated at schools anymore, being minimized or replaced by indoctrination to other cultures’ celebrations. Examples include doing away with Halloween celebrations and the school district being accused of discrimination because “Merry Christmas” was written on its newsletter.

Some would argue these are outdated rituals or religious celebrations that originated in other lands and therefore have no place in American secular education. I would argue back that they have been a part of our culture — even in education — for centuries and, because of that, they are tradition and part of what made America what it is today. And, just because I don’t want to do away with or minimize these and other cultural norms and mores, doesn’t mean I don’t support adding celebrations from other cultures to the mix.

Despite my welcoming attitude, my reaction surprises me as more people from different countries move to Federal Way influencing my way of life. I resent the intrusion. Yet, I want diversity and want my kids to be exposed to a variety of people from different walks of life, but I don’t want my culture to change. And it shouldn’t.

My perception is that many people from other countries are living in Federal Way (and across the country) and demanding they retain their cultures. I believe the problem with this is the way it is being done. It is coming at the expense of American-born citizens who are at risk of losing their own culture in their own country.

I often hear people say, “I wouldn’t go to their country and try to change their culture or how they do things.” I don’t think citizens in other countries would allow that to happen in their countries and they shouldn’t. Similarly, my husband and I wouldn’t allow the au pairs to change the rules or traditions we’d established in our home. But, we did allow them to continue and, if they wished, share their traditions with us.

The swell of pride I feel at being an American comes from a deep-seated belief that our way of life is right for me and my family. I grew up enjoying the freedoms of America that came at the expense of young men and women who fought for all that America stands for, and at the expense of Native Americans and African Americans. Wouldn’t it be a shame if the lives lost and the lives changed were in vain? Wouldn’t it be a shame if America changed so much that communities were fractured to the point of no return?

In my estimation, that’s where we’re headed. There has to be a balance between preserving the cultures of new citizens and preserving American culture. There has to be a balance between providing much-needed health and emergency services to those who don’t speak English, and expensing those services to Americans. There has to be a way to bring neighbors together.

While previously a way to build community and relationships, right now the neighborhood barbecue is fast becoming a thing of the past. In my own neighborhood, for example, we have had social get-togethers for many years. We continually invite those who are new to the country and have moved into the neighborhood, but they uniformly decline our invitations. We understand they may feel uncomfortable (despite our best efforts to make them feel otherwise) and that they may be unsure of how to communicate with us because of their lack of English skills, but we welcome them.

We want to know our neighbors so we can turn to them in times of crisis, or just when we want to talk to a friend. That is what community is and precisely what is needed. Federal Way City Manager Neal Beets has a vision of bringing neighbors together through neighborhood events. I believe he is on the right track, and I hope he is successful.

I also believe the enormous financial drain on American taxpayers and consumers caused by immigration has a negative impact on our culture. I have to ask, “Would we be at near-recession levels if we weren’t funding services for both legal and illegal immigrants? Would food, power, sewer and clothing costs be as high as they are if companies weren’t translating their communications into other languages? Would American children be further ahead academically if our teachers weren’t spending extra time with non-English speaking students and if our schools weren’t stretched to the limits financially trying to teach English to new immigrant children? Would more American kids get to go to college if state and federal funds weren’t earmarked for international students or illegal immigrants who’d made their way through our public high schools, meaning they could get financial assistance for college? Shouldn’t American kids get these opportunities because their ancestors and families gave their lives and/or their hard-earned dollars for our country? Would we have the high unemployment rates we have if jobs weren’t going to these same people or to those overseas?”

I am not a believer of the overly used statement that Americans won’t do certain jobs. I do believe corporations are acting unethically by not paying Americans a fair wage for jobs they can get immigrants to do, or jobs they can outsource overseas. These immigrants are being taken advantage of.

In my perfect world, Americans would continue to do and expand on the good works we do in other countries (that we seldom get credit for) of helping those in poverty, those who have had natural disasters devastate their lives, and those who are tormented by cruel regimes and inhumane governments. We would do this because we are kind-hearted people who love humankind and believe the “haves” should help the “have-nots.” My perfect world would not involve Americans giving up their culture simply because we have big hearts and welcome others to our country.

To me, being an American doesn’t mean being a certain color or ethnicity. I do believe, though, that America has evolved the way it has because of the melding of African blacks, European whites and Native American influences, combined with centuries of experiences (good and bad). There are cultural norms that have developed over the centuries and a way of life that I love, and it is slipping away.

I want those who come here by choice or as refugees to retain their cultures, but I don’t want that to impact mine — and I don’t think it should. This is reminiscent of what Native Americans experienced when whites hit these very shores.

Clearly, our ancestors did it wrong. I hope we don’t repeat that mistake.

Kelly Maloney is a Federal Way resident. Send comments to editor@fedwaymirror.com.