Q: Mr. Federal Way, I recently moved to the city from east of the mountains. I’m a bit of a foodie, so I was wondering, can you recommend some good gems in the city for me? Thanks.

A: Well, first, Mr. Federal would like to welcome you to civilization. It will come as a shock, but we have things like automobiles on these here side of the mountains. You’re surely going to have to get one of those soon if you plan on surviving. Yes, Mr. Federal Way has some local favorites. He has no choice. If Mrs. Federal Way tries to cram another one of her “organic, homegrown” vegetables from this new garden down his throat, Mr. Federal Way will end up at Western State. After his morning walk, Mr. Federal Way enjoys a good cup of coffee from Asensio Coffee. If you’re looking for a hearty breakfast with your coffee, Mr. Federal Way recommends Poverty Bay Cafe, or Panera if you’re in a hurry. For lunch, there’s only one place to go. You go to Chipotle — always Chipotle. Now, moving on to dinner. If you want “ambiance,” word calendar, boom, Mr. Federal Way recommends Vince’s Italian. If your mission is to deplete the world’s cow population, you head on over to Jimmy Mac’s — every time. Have a rough week at work? Mr. Federal Way recommends drowning your sorrows at Jersey’s or Lolli’s. Anyway, Mr. Federal is done providing advice. That will cost you a steep $250. Please make checks payable to Mr. Federal Way.

Q: Mr. Federal, holy cow! Did you read Bob Roegner’s outlandish column on Mark Greene? What did you think of that?

A: Nope. No way, no how. Mr. Federal Way is not going to touch that. Mr. Federal Way wouldn’t address that topic with even Mark Greene’s own hands. After all, Roegner’s column is printed in the “Federal Way Tabloid,” and, really, who reads those things anyway? Only everyone — ever. Instead, Mr. Federal Way is going to enlighten you on something incredible you may have missed. The Federal Ways have relatives who attend Decatur High School, and June 17 was class of 2017’s graduation ceremony. You may be unaware, but the Mirror published a wonderful story about the boys soccer team’s goalie, a young man named Jose Barbosa and his current battle with cancer. Well, his treatment forced him to miss the ceremony. But thanks to advancements in technology, the young man was able to, according to the youngins, “FaceTime in,” whatever that is, and be a part of the ceremony from his hospital bed. All the folks went absolutely crazy for him when they saw him. It got Mr. Federal Way to thinking just how precious the little things in life are. The little things in life are far more important than we even realize. A graduation is an “individual sport,” but, for a few minutes, the Decatur graduation was about seeing that young man thriving and being happy and healthy, and there was a collective sense of pride for him from everyone in attendance. So, take note of the little things like the Gator family, city hallers. If you don’t, you might actually miss something worth talking about.

Q: Mr. Federal Way, did you get suspended for your airplane noise stance or something?

A: None of your business.

This column is produced by Mirror staff. Got a question for Mr. Federal Way? Email mrfederalway@federalwaymirror.com.