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SIDELINES: Who needs a New Year's resolution? Seahawks and Mariners
I’m always amazed at what comes out of the mouths of some people during New Year’s Eve parties. Right before the ball drops, it’s like a church confessional or something.
And it always starts with the overly-aggressive hostess of the party making the announcement, “OK, listen up everyone. We are going to go around the room and everybody is going to reveal their New Year’s resolution. This is going to be so fun.”
First of all, it’s not fun. And how many people have honestly stuck to their resolution? My guess? A very, very select few and definitely nobody at the numerous New Year’s Eve parties I have attended.
Every year, I have to listen to my “overweight” buddies talk about how they are going to join a gym and start eating better.
“I know that’s been my resolution since getting out of college in 1996, but 2012 is going to be THE year.”
All the while, during their transparently fake, emotional speeches directed at the hostess and their transfixed wives, they are holding a 1,000-calorie White Russian and a bacon-wrapped little smokey filled with cream cheese dipped in ranch dressing.
“It all starts tomorrow. I’m going to get in shape starting tomorrow.”
But, year after year, the next day comes and I see the same dude watching college bowl games while drinking 12 Budweisers (not Bud Lights) and eating the leftover, butter-ladened fettuccine alfredo from the New Year’s Eve party.
“How’s that resolution going for you, bud?” I ask. “Looks like the springs inside the couch are the only ones getting a workout.” And we laugh, both knowing that their speech the night before was about as heart-felt as a Facebook “friend” you haven’t seen in 20 years posting how cute your kids are.
Obviously, the abundance of alcohol that is flowing around the party plays a big-time role with the actual New Year’s resolution announcements.
But what is the average dude going to say when the “hostess with the mostess” asks you what your resolution is? You can’t tell her that you think New Year’s resolutions are for losers. You will get booed out of the open-bar party, your wife will be upset and unwilling to offer that lip-to-lip kiss at midnight. She will give you that last-second turn, resulting in the ultimate dis of kissing the side of her face and further implanting who is in control of your relationship.
So you just take the easy route and go with the stock “get into better shape” resolution and move on to the free drinks.
If you have to make a New Year’s resolution to accomplish something, then what are you doing the other 364 days of the year?
With that in mind, I want to make two sports-related resolutions for the Seattle Seahawks and Mariners, because sometimes I wonder what they are thinking.
The Seattle Seahawks need to make a resolution to get a quarterback who can actually win a game on his own. Tavaris Jackson just isn’t cutting it.
The Seahawks have a lot of the pieces in place to be a team that could make a run in the playoffs, especially on the defensive side of the ball. Seattle’s young secondary can cover and hit. The linebacking corps is big, fast and hungry. The defensive line could use a stud pass rusher, but they were still a very adequate unit during the season.
Offensively, Marshawn Lynch is obviously a beast and the offensive line made great strides this year under Tom Cable. They have a pair of solid tight ends, the wide receivers have depth and, I think, Sydney Rice is a stud if he can stay healthy.
That leaves the quarterback position as the one that could use the most improvement. The NFL is a quarterback-driven league. All you have to do is look at the playoff teams, led by guys like Aaron Rodgers, Tom Brady, Drew Brees, Ben Roethlisberger and Matt Ryan, among others.
The Seahawks need one of those difference makers and I have no idea if the guy will come from the draft (Robert Griffin III, Ryan Tannehill), free agency (Matt Flynn) or trade (Peyton Manning).
But the Hawks need a stud quarterback to take that next step.
Now, on to the Seattle Mariners. The baseball team’s front office needs to make a resolution to sign Prince Fielder. The former Milwaukee Brewer first baseman is a perfect fit for the offensively-strapped franchise and Safeco Field. Heck, catcher Miguel Olivo led the team in home runs (19) and RBIs (62), which were Major League lows.
The hefty left-handed slugger would pound the Hit-It Here Cafe in right field. Sure, the price tag for Fielder is going to be hefty — probably in the $200 million range.
But it’s not like the Mariners are a so-called small market team. A judge in the divorce case of Mariners minority owner Chris Larson last month set the team’s value at $641 million, which would rank it among the 10 most valuable franchises in Major League Baseball.
So, happy 2012 to everyone. I can't wait for New Year's Eve in 12 months. Nothing makes me happier than hearing false promises before the giant disco ball drops.
The only resolution I will make is that I will buy tickets to watch Seahawk and Mariner games this year if I get a legit quarterback and Prince Fielder. And they don't even need to provide me with free drinks or bacon-wrapped smokeys.