Q: Mr. Federal Way, about a year ago, you listed several demands for the new editor. Now that there’s a new Federal Way Mirror editor in town, does your previous list still stand?

A: Does Mr. Federal Way really have to come up with another one of these darn things? Mr. Federal Way thinks Publisher Rudi Alcott likes fresh faces, kind of like his fascination with new cars. A Toyota Camry, Acura TSX, Honda Civic, Honda Accord and one really fast one that shall not be named, Mr. Alcott? In the interest of new beginnings (again), Mr. Federal Way will create amend the list by adding five more requirements, but this better be the last time.

• Unlike Mr. Federal Way’s previous requirement, the new editor should not always bring pizza to the newsroom every Thursday. Mr. Federal Way needs to cut back the carbs for the 20th high school reunion this summer. But, maybe consider special events, such as Bob Roegner’s birthday or general election night.

• Speaking of Roegner, the new editor still. needs. to. limit. Roegner’s. column. inches. Hear that Mr. “War and Peace”? You’re cutting into Mr. Federal Way’s opinion.

• The new editor should convince Alcott to stop buying cars and hire a photographer instead.

• Instead of Best of Federal Way, the new editor should also convince Alcott to do a “Best of Mr. Federal Way” event. It would generate hundreds of thousands of dollars. Biggest donor meets Mr. Federal Way.

• The new editor should become as invested in Federal Way as, well, Mr. Federal Way is.

Q: Mr. Federal Way, I saw on the Mirror’s website that Industrial Realty Group will no longer be putting a fish plant in Federal Way. What are your thoughts on this?

A: The contract termination is a good ol’ fashioned NIMBY win. Mr. Federal Way wasn’t too excited for the fish plant either, but a sudden contract termination with no details is too fishy (Mr. Federal Way-1, pun master -0) not to speculate that really bad publicity had something to do with it. The Save Weyerhauser Campus group will be the first to tell you that people from all over the city, Poverty Bay to Interstate 5, disliked the fish plant. But North Lake residents, whose homes abut a lake, which abuts a forest on land owned by Industrial Realty Group, were the first to learn about it and will be the last who has a say in what warehouse goes where. They’re empowered. They’ve won… for now. Mr. Federal Way thinks Mayor Jim Ferrell should be happy he dodged this bullet, being that he’s up for election next year. Repeat after me, Ferrell: Breathe in, breathe out.

Q: What is your favorite Christmas carol?

A: None of your business.

Got a question for Mr. Federal Way? Email your questions, complaints and hate mail to mrfederalway@federalwaymirror.com.