I was watching an episode of “Call the Midwife” a bit back, in which a series of sexual assaults occur.

The first attack is of a woman who solicits sex so she can earn money to care for her children, having been abandoned by their father. She doesn’t want to even talk to the police because she knows she’ll be the one who gets in trouble.

In the last, one of the nuns is attacked. The first thing her sisters say to her when she makes it home is, “What were you thinking, riding alone at night?”

“We always do,” she replies – which is true.

This is early 1960s England, and nuns routinely are out at all hours to help deliver babies. Their main mode of transportation is the bicycle.

Yet the first response, even from her forward-thinking peers, was that she had done something that resulted in her being attacked.

I wish that, more than 50 years later, things were different. They are not. Institutionalized victim-blaming occurs regularly in our society. According to the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN), 68 percent of sexual assaults are not reported to police and 98 percent of rapists will never spend a day in jail or prison (www.rainn.org).

Even those brave enough to report assault and have an examination can’t be guaranteed justice. Recent investigations have revealed that thousands and thousands of rape kits remain untested in the U.S. In Washington, “a total of 6,000 untested kits have been reported so far” (www.endthebacklog.org/washington). As of last year, law enforcement agencies are required to submit rape kits for testing within 30 days of receipt. The backlog is still being audited, so expect the number of untested kits to rise.

Washington is one of the states that actually passed legislation and is making progress. In at least 17 states, the number of untested kits is completely unknown, and in at least 14 states, no reforms have been instituted regarding current laws and procedures.

Is it any wonder survivors of assault are reluctant to report?

Because one out of every six American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime, and because nine out of every 10 rape victims are women, this remains largely a woman’s issue. Remember, any time you are in a group that includes six or more women, there is a high chance at least one survivor is among you.

A friend or family member of a survivor will hear about the assault more often than the police. Here are some guidelines about what to do if someone discloses to you:

• Believe them. It’s not your role to question what happened, but to ease the pain. A very small percentage of rape reports are false.

• Give them choice. They have just had an experience where choice was taken away from them. Help them explore their options and give them the freedom to choose what path works for them, even if it’s not what you would do (that said, if a minor discloses assault or abuse, you need to report it. Choice can be about whether you go with them to report).

• Offer to go with them to get examined, to report, or to stay with them so they feel safer.

• Listen and don’t interrupt. Listen to their pain. This isn’t the time to process your own feelings about the assault. It’s likely you will need support too, so plan to get that elsewhere.

• Don’t blame them for being assaulted. No one deserves to be assaulted. They will likely hear that it was about where they were or what they wore or how much they had to drink. Let them know clearly that it was not their fault.

• Ask before you touch them. They’ve just experienced a trauma involving touch, and they may, for several weeks, not want any touch at all, even by those they love and trust. Be patient.

For more resources, see www.rainn.org. If you or someone you know has been assaulted, you can call 1-800- 656-HOPE (4673) to talk with someone who will listen to you confidentially and provide you with support resources. An online hotline, where you can chat one-on-one with a trained support specialist anytime, is available at online.rainn.org.

Amy Johnson, MSW, is an educator in the Pacific Northwest. She specializes in working with parents and in sexuality education and serves in the national setting of the United Church of Christ promoting healthy sexuality education and culture in faith communities. She can be reached at comments@diligentjoy.com.