Q: Mr. Federal Way, it’s really nice to see good news lately. Like the work Advancing Leadership Youth did with its “Bag It Up” program. Don’t you think it’s things like this that can turn Federal Way’s negative image around?
A: What’s the matter? You having trouble telling your chums on the links you live in this town? It’s OK. Mr. Federal Way knows. If it makes you feel any better, he’s having a hard time telling people he lives here, too. It’s become like the real life version of “The Quick and the Dead” around here.
But, the boys and girls who make up Advancing Leadership Youth are the people who are going places.
This program provides backpacks full of food to local students over the weekends who otherwise may not have anything to eat.
The students who do this, who are in this program, make this city what it is – or, at least, what it should be. It is easy to make an impact by wielding a weapon around, which has become too much of a theme around here. It is something else for a youngster to put others before themselves.
Anyway, yes, it’s these kids who can change Felony Way into a suburbia we won’t have to avoid on the back nine.
Q: Mr. Federal Way, I don’t believe anyone has asked this and I’m curious. The Mirror has been doing a Pet of the Week for quite some time. As an animal lover, I think it’s pretty neat. What are your thoughts about it?
A: Oh boy, now you’re about to see just what kind of dancing moves Mr. Federal Way has. Look, “on the record,” as those in the news business like to say, it’s a tremendous service. It’s an amazing way to help people find a loving pet a new home.
Off the record, where does Mr. Federal Way start? The concept just makes Mr. Federal Way feel like the paper does this as “the last resort.” It’s like they feature the runt of the litter because they just can’t get rid of it.
For those new to Mr. Federal Way, BREAKING NEWS: Mr. Federal Way has a soft spot for animals.
And when he sees the Pet of the Week featured in the Mirror, Mr. Federal Way experiences an immediate gut-wrenching thought of “well, what happens to this adorable pup if no one answers the ad?”
Mr. Federal Way finds it quite depressing and agonizing to tell you the truth.
The Mirror should be required to give some kind of “Beyond the Kennel” update because everybody knows Mr. Federal Way is a glass-half-empty kinda guy.
That said, go pick up a copy of the Mirror and go adopt a Pet of the Week. Mr. Federal Way’s cardiologist would appreciate it.
Q: Mr. Federal Way, do you wear a hat in real life? And, if so, what is your favorite style of hat?
A: Mr. Federal Way has a multiplicity of hats, and none of your business.
Have a question for Mr. Federal Way? Email firstname.lastname@example.org. Staff produced.