Q: Mr. Federal Way, were you surprised Bob Celski was chosen to return to the City Council?

A: Mr. Federal Way called it last week. Political columnist Bob Roegner somehow knew he would apply before applications were submitted in early November. See, political moves can be really easy to predict, or they come out of left-field, la la land. This was the former.

Either there’s some good ol’ boys networking to blame, or those who voted for Celski are insecure or lazy — Mr. Federal Way thinks it’s probably D, all of the above. But just because everyone expected the council to go that route doesn’t mean they should have. Nothing against Mr. Father of a Champion, but new faces bring new ideas. What’s Celski got to bring to the table after taking his nice little sabbatical? Not all who leave come back new and improved like that lady who was played by Julia Roberts in that one movie having to do with Italy, India and Indonesia. What was it, “Eat Pray Love?” (You can blame Mrs. Federal Way on that one.) Regardless, Mr. Federal Way thinks the council owes its constituents an explanation. After all, Republican Celski is one of the reasons pot-smoking Federal Wayans have to drive out of the city for the green stuff. That, and he’s a huge supporter for the Performing Arts and Event Center. Mr. Federal Way wonders if that has anything to do with it.

Q: Mr. Federal Way, the city had its ninth murder of 2016 with the killing of 21-year-old Davary Hicks on Dec. 31. Do you think 2017 will be any different?

A: It’s true, this city’s 2016 ended violently. But, no worries, the City Council voted to hire nine new police officers over two years, and there’s a Violence Prevention Coalition meeting twice a month to figure it all out. Surely the many regional task forces dedicated to prostitution, gangs, drugs and robberies are working to make sure Federal Way doesn’t have nine murders in 2017. Underpaid teachers who have classrooms filled to the brim are definitely making sure children at risk don’t slip through the cracks. And, oh, that multi-family housing moratorium is doing its job to make sure poor people stay away while single-handedly keeping the very poor, those-without-homes who live in the trees, without housing. Because, you know, “poor people equals violence.” At least according to some police officers who respond to calls at places like Kitts Corner or Park 16. Meanwhile, more Safe City cameras will surely catch all of those bad guys, and Federal Way may only get four murders in 2017 instead of nine. Then, all will be right in the world.

Q: Mr. Federal Way, Doug Baldwin’s butt catch or Paul Richardson’s one-handed catch?

A: None of your business.

Got a question for Mr. Federal Way? Email mrfederalway@federalwaymirror.com.