Why oh why: Questions in need of answers | Rudi Alcott

Why oh why. Just a few questions. Maybe some of you have some answers.

• Why do tires always go bald during the winter? When you need them the most, they are at their slickest.

• Why does every subdivision have a storm retention pond, but there is never any water in it? It rains here all the time and never collects anything. Do you think these are mandatory in say, Phoenix? Maybe every house in Alaska should have an air conditioning unit.

• Why do you spend the first two years of your kid’s life teaching them to stand and talk — and the rest of your life telling them to sit down and shut up?

• Why is stalled traffic always headed in the same direction I am going? This occurs even in cities I have never been to before, and even when I’m lost. How is this statistically possible?

• Why do you use the start button in Windows to shut it off?

• Why do you always run low on gas when you are running late for an important meeting?

• Why do owners of restaurants that go out of business always open another one in the same location as a previously failed one? Although the last 17 went out of business there, he can somehow make it work. Seems counterproductive to me.

• Why doesn’t the book ever match the movie? Presumably, the movie was made because the book was so good. So then why change it? And, conversely, has there ever been a book written after the movie was made that doesn’t match the movie?

• Why do I have a map in the car when I have a built-in navigation system? I suppose so I would know where I was going if the car broke down, but then I wouldn’t have a way to get there anyhow.

• Why does it take me longer to pee the older I get? The closer I get to the end of my life, the longer everything takes. That’s just wrong on so many levels. What’s next? By the time I get done with breakfast, it will be lunch time. By the time I find my teeth, it will be time to take them out.

• Why is all of the junk that you have been accumulating for years thrown away two weeks before you need it? Is the inverse true also? If you had kept it, you would have never needed it.

• Why does change fall down between the seats in a location where you can’t reach it no matter how you move the seat? Can’t car manufactures design cars without these no-fall zones?

• Why can’t you find somebody that can give you a compelling reason why we observe Daylight Savings Time? I think these people are still trying to figure how to reset the clock on the microwave.

• Why do runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of defeat?

• When you fill out an application, why do you put down your spouse to be notified in case of an emergency? What’s she going to do? I listed 911.

• Why do politicians smile during an emergency? Have they already found someone to blame?

• What is the purpose of a middle name? Is this so a child knows when he is really in trouble?

• Why doesn’t Tiger Woods know that behind every successful man is a woman — but behind the fall of every successful man is another woman?

• Why is a bank a place that will lend you money if and only if you can prove that you don’t need it?

• Why do short people ask tall people to get them something off of the top shelf, but then get offended when we ask them to pick up something off of the floor?

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