Opinion

Federal Way's lost periods | Mirror editorial

A period is used to indicate the end of a sentence — a conclusion, if you will...and Federal Way faces at least two lingering issues that thrive due to a shortage of periods:

• Form of government

• Drama involving an elected judge at the municipal court

Some language purists would deem the lack of periods in the list above as improper; however, in a period shortage, we must rely on alternative punctuation to survive, such as the ellipsis...a series of dots that, unlike periods, represent thoughts that trickle to an incomplete conclusion...and if the elected mayor initiative doesn’t pass in November, supporters will try for a third time to overhaul the city’s government...

Also in high demand is the dash — a strong way to interject a thought (as opposed to using parentheses); when it comes to the divided opinions over Federal Way’s form of government, each side adds a contrasting dash to the other’s arguments — a situation that brings to mind a few lines from this classic Bob Dylan song:

“I heard the roar of a wave that could drown the whole world,

Heard one hundred drummers whose hands were a-blazin’

Heard ten thousand whisperin’ and nobody listenin’

Heard one person starve, I heard many people laughin’”

As for the unending drama seeping from the Federal Way Municipal Court: That collection of doozies depends on the semicolon, which according to the dictionary, “indicates a degree of separation greater than that marked by the comma and less than that marked by the period;” voters who have followed the judicial drama over the past two years have a chance in November to add a period — and finish an ugly run-on sentence...

In conclusion, great effort was taken to avoid wasting any periods in this editorial because Federal Way needs them more than ever — but for the sanity of our readers, The Mirror keeps a few spare periods at the office, and it makes sense to use one right now.

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