Opinion

Weedings an excuse to blaze at weddings | Q&A with Mr. Federal Way

Mr. Federal Way - File photo
Mr. Federal Way
— image credit: File photo

Q: Mr. Federal Way, I live in a subdivision in Federal Way composed of single-family homes with mostly families with children and some retired folk. On Saturday morning at 6:25 a.m., my neighbor started mowing his lawn with his very loud lawn mower. Does Federal Way have any rules regarding this type of early morning-noise pollution?

A: God forbid, your neighbor violated the law by mowing his lawn nearly two-and-a-half hours earlier than allowed.

According to Federal Way Revised Code 7.10.020, it is “unlawful for any person to cause or for any person in possession of property to allow to originate from that property sound that is a public disturbance noise.”

The code goes on to describe the types of sounds that can be construed as public disturbance noise. Horns, sirens, motor vehicles (except as a warning), repetitive sounds of construction, yelling, whistling or singing near public streets between the hours of 10 p.m. and 8 a.m., repetitive musical instruments, audio, band sessions and social gatherings make the list. Squealing, screeching or other sounds from “rapid acceleration” of a car, such as braking or speeding around corners is also illegal. But to specifically answer your question about lawn mowers, part 9 of chapter 7.10 lays it out.

It states the following sounds violate this law: “Sounds originating from residential property relating to temporary projects for the maintenance or repair of horns, grounds and appurtenances, including but not limited to sounds from lawn mowers, powered hand tools, snow removal equipment and composters between the hours of 10 p.m. and 7 a.m. on weekdays and 10 p.m. and 9 a.m. on weekends.”

Mr. Federal Way suggests you speak with your neighbor before you tattletale on him to the cops. Let’s remember Federal Way police have a lot more to deal with in this city.

Q: Mr. Federal Way, I heard on the radio the new trend for this wedding season is to incorporate marijuana into the celebration and call it a “Weeding!” What is this world coming to?

A: Why yes, if you read the New York Times you would have also seen the ingenious article headlined “A Toast? How About a Toke?,” which was published on July 25.

The reporter recounts the experience of a guest who attended a wedding in Colorado that was marijuana themed — think a bouquet with marijuana buds poking through white flowers, a marijuana potted plant as a table center piece and, of course, marijuana to consume.

The Times reports the green stuff and paraphernalia have popped up as wedding goodies and beyond since recreational marijuana became legal in Colorado and Washington state. Let’s just say Mr. Federal Way is glad Mrs. Federal Way stuck with traditional flowers. Not only could a wedding like this be quite expensive but “weedings” don’t sound like a lively party.

Will the bride and groom be providing munchies, pillows and a movie for their guests? Do they anticipate stoned brides to dance at the reception with their fathers? That’d be awkward. And what about the paranoia — will it make it that much harder to say “I do” if the couple partakes in the drug? Although, there is an argument to be made that there might be less family drama as alcohol can often inflame, Mr. Federal Way can’t help but wonder. Whatever the benefits and drawbacks, Mr. Federal Way again thinks this is yet another hipster trend right along with those dang flower beards, which caused a lot of sneezing in case you were all wondering.

Q: Mr. Federal Way, why does the city misuse scarce tax dollars to install 15 mph speed bumps on residential streets where the legal speed limit is 25 mph?

A: Mr. Federal Way thinks you’re a little confused. Speed bumps with the 15 mph recommendation don’t trump the legal speed limit. It’s simply an advisory speed for drivers to comfortably get over the speed bump without spilling their coffee all over the place.

According to city officials, the city funds a neighborhood traffic safety program to address the community’s desire to place speed bumps and other traffic control devices in residential areas. Neighbors who want a speed bump in their neighborhood can go to the city’s website, fill out a form, gather a certain percentage of signatures and file it. Once done, it will trigger a traffic study in which case Public Works officials will measure vehicle speeds, traffic volume, analyze accident history and then grade the area on a point system.

Whether the bumps are approved is dependent on the analysis’s conclusion, council committee and, ultimately, City Council approval. Occasionally, homeowners associations will request to install their own speed bumps and often developers will be required to have them or other forms of traffic control devices as a way to mitigate traffic impacts.

Q: Mr. Federal Way, I have an anonymous question for you, but I would rather ask you over the phone so I can provide some context. What is your phone number?

A: None of your business.

Got a question for Mr. Federal Way? Email mrfederalway@federealwaymirror.com

 

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