Palcohol and tobacco | Q&A with Mr. Federal Way

Mr. Federal Way - File photo
Mr. Federal Way
— image credit: File photo

Q: Mr. Federal Way, I was driving down the busy 320th Street heading to work in the morning and there was a guy on a bicycle riding in the right lane of traffic.

A: Let’s get this out of the way first off, riding a bike in traffic is very much legal and bicyclists have the same rights on the road as a car. But that doesn’t mean it’s the proper thing to do.

Mr. Federal Way also drives down the busy 320th Street going to and from work and has seen the bicyclists clogging up traffic. There are some who are better than others.

The guys dressed in Spandex and acorn-shaped racing helmets on a $3,000 carbon-fiber bike usually aren’t that bad. These Tour de Francers usually do a pretty good job at keeping up with traffic.

It’s the middle-aged dude wearing a pair of Levis and carrying a bag of groceries, that creates the traffic problem. This is the guy riding a 1988 model mountain bike, who is riding down one of the busiest roads in Federal Way during rush hour, creating a traffic nightmare.

It would be different if there weren’t a lineup of cars in both lanes of 320th, waiting for this mountain biker who is pedaling 30 mph below the speed limit.

Why not just get up on the sidewalk and ride? That would make it a lot easier for Mr. Federal Way to get to work on time.

Q: Mr. Federal Way, I know that you like adult beverages. Did you see that there is now a powdered alcohol?

A: When consuming alcohol, you have to know when to say, “When.” Mr. Federal Way will freely admit that it took about three-and-a-half years of college until Mr. Federal Way figured out when to say, “When.” There were also a few times during Mr. Federal Way’s 30s and that one time when Mr. Federal Way recently celebrated his 40th birthday.

Those times aside, Mr. Federal Way now knows when to say, “When,” for the most part.

The alcohol industry needs to live by the same rule as Mr. Federal Way. How many different alcoholic beverages are enough? You can now buy alcohol in every flavor known to mankind. Whipped cream, cinnamon, root beer, coffee, grape, strawberry, honey, chili peppers are just a few of the flavored alcohols currently on the market.

Now, you’re telling Mr. Federal Way that you can buy it in a powdered form? What happened to a good, old-fashioned Budweiser?

A new product called “Palcohol” is pending approval by the U.S. government. Alcohol powder is a molecular encapsulated alcohol that produces an alcoholic drink when mixed with water.

The Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau (TTB) is currently looking into approving seven versions of Palcohol, including margarita and cosmopolitan flavors.

But the company making Palcohol is also advertising that the powder can be sprinkled on any food dish to “give it an extra kick.” A few of their “favorites” are a kamikaze in guacamole, rum on a barbecue sandwich, cosmo on a salad and vodka on eggs.

Q: Mr. Federal Way, King County is attempting to raise the age to buy tobacco to 21 years old. What’s your opinion?

A: That’s a tough one. Mr. Federal Way is not in favor of smoking, which is really not saying much. Mr. Federal Way assumes the only people “in favor” of smoking have a two-pack-a-day habit.

But, the 18-year-old smoking age has been around since the Marlboro Man was just a teenager. There is so much information out there regarding the fact that smoking is very, very bad for your health.

So, if someone starts smoking, that’s on them. They know what they are getting their lungs into when they light up that first heater.

The King County Alcoholism and Substance Abuse Administrative Board has voted to approve a resolution calling for a change to the legal age of tobacco purchase in Washington state. The board is asking legislators to change state law to increase the legal age to purchase all tobacco products to age 21.

“We are very concerned about the health hazards to youth caused by the use of tobacco,” said Pat Godfrey, chair of the board, “and some health problems may not show up for several years.”

What’s next? Is King County going to make the legal age to eat a deep-fried burrito 21 years old? Will an overweight individual be required to have their Body Mass Index (BMI) checked before being able to super size their triple-cheeseburger order?

If King County has its way, 18 year olds would still be able to go to war, but they won’t be able to buy beer or cigarettes. Making things even worse for these 18- to 20-year-old “tweeners,” is the fact they can’t even buy legal marijuana in Washington until they are 21, as well.

Oh, the humanity.

What is that unemployed 20-year-old neighbor kid supposed to do with their friends while they are playing video games on a random Tuesday night? Is King County really expecting them to drink mineral water and snack on some fruits and vegetables?

Q: Mr. Federal Way, I heard longtime Federal Way Mirror sports editor Casey Olson is leaving the newspaper. What is your opinion on Olson’s departure?

A: None of your business.

Got a question for Mr. Federal Way? Email mrfederalway@federalwaymirror.com


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