Why don't Federal Way schools offer soccer? | Q&A with Mr. Federal Way

Mr. Federal Way - File photo
Mr. Federal Way
— image credit: File photo

Q: I hear that Centerstage in Federal Way has the honor of being the first theater on the West Coast to perform “Cuff Me: The Unauthorized Musical Parody of Fifty Shades of Grey.” Have you heard of this play and is this something that you and Mrs. Federal Way would see?

A: Mr. Federal Way has heard of this play and the only reason stems from the fact that a poster for “Cuff Me” is hanging up in the front window of the Mirror’s office.

Talk about an attention grabber.

The poster features a buff dude without a shirt on and an attractive woman handcuffed in a shopping cart.

According to Centerstage’s website, “Cuff Me” is a musical parody and brings the ultra-popular book “Fifty Shades of Grey” to the stage.

“You’ll be dancing in the aisles at the hilarious spoofs of popular hits, from Madonna’s Like a Virgin to Carly Rae Jepsen’s Call Me Maybe,” the description says. “Grab your girlfriends and get ready to laugh at this sexy, hysterical romp.”

So, to answer your other question, Mr. Federal Way will take a pass on seeing the Centerstage production of “Cuff Me.” But that’s not saying Mr. Federal Way opposes the theater. Far from it. “The Theater” is just not Mr. Federal Way’s deal.

Mr. Federal Way is very happy that our city offers different choices for different types of people. That’s the definition of a great place to live.

After receiving this email, however, Mr. Federal Way will mention to Mrs. Federal Way about “Cuff Me.” Might make for a solid girl’s night out for Mrs. Federal Way and the rest of her buddies, which is a win-win for Mr. Federal Way.

One of those rare girl’s night outs gives Mr. Federal Way the pleasure of laying on the couch without being bugged by Mrs. Federal Way to put away dishes or to change a lightbulb.

Q: I have two sons who play soccer in Federal Way, both at Thomas Jefferson High School. Every other school district in the area, including Kent, Tacoma, Bethel, Puyallup, Highline and Enumclaw all offer, at a minimum, junior varsity soccer. Some even offer a “C” team. So, why on earth does Federal Way Public Schools not offer at least junior varsity soccer?

A: The answer is budget cutbacks in the early 2000’s, when the Federal Way school district eliminated the junior varsity soccer programs, which is a shame.

The Federal Way school district has been a hotbed for soccer for a long, long time. Actually, it’s probably the hottest bed in the state of Washington for soccer, thanks to players like Lamar Neagle, Kelyn Rowe and Sean Okoli. All three are currently on Major League Soccer (MLS) rosters.

Also, the Thomas Jefferson boys program has won a state-record eight big-school state championships, including the 2013 title.

According to the emailer, during the last four years Thomas Jefferson has had at least 65 kids turn out on opening day.

“Since Thomas Jefferson and Federal Way High School schedule their tryouts consecutively at Federal Way Stadium, I also get to witness the beginning or ending of the Federal Way tryout,” he wrote. “Federal Way also has at least 65 kids turn out. I have also been made aware that Todd Beamer and Decatur High School also have similar numbers of kids at their tryouts.”

So, with Mr. Federal Way’s questionable math skills, that means a total of 240 boys are trying out for soccer at the four Federal Way high schools.

There is also a rule that allows each school to only keep 22 kids on their roster. That means a grand total of 152 boys are “cut” every year because the Federal Way school district doesn’t field junior varsity programs.

That’s pretty sad and doesn’t happen in other non-cut sports like football or track and field.

Mr. Federal Way is a big proponent of youth sports, especially at the high-school level.

They teach great life lessons, including stuff like how to work as a team, leadership, don’t ever give up, despite the score, and being a good winner and a good loser, among thousands of other things.

In short, sports make kids better citizens after they graduate into the real world. So, it’s a shame that 152 soccer players don’t get the opportunity to feel the pride that goes along with putting on their school colors and playing soccer.

Like anything in life, the way to get changes to happen is to have your voice be heard. If you feel strongly that junior varsity soccer programs should be reinstated at the four Federal Way high schools, make some noise.

There are school board meetings every other Tuesday nights and there is a sign-up sheet for citizens to speak. If you want junior varsity soccer back, sign up and make your case.

Why couldn’t the four schools in Federal Way all field JV teams and just play against each other all season long? The cost associated with that would be minimal.

Basically, it would be the hiring of four coaches, who make hardly any money to start out with, and the cost of referees. They could play all their games on fields owned by the school district.

Q: Mr. Federal Way, what is your favorite book of all time? You are so good with words that you have to have some type of writing idol.

A: None of your business.

Send your questions to Mr. Federal Way at mrfederalway@federalwaymirror.com.


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