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Super Bowl appetizers and Seahawks anomalies | Q&A with Mr. Federal Way
Q: Seattle Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch has had quite a week with the media leading up to Sunday’s Super Bowl. Beast Mode doesn’t like doing interviews, so why is the NFL making him do them?
A: The NFL is making Lynch do interviews because it’s the Super Bowl, the biggest event to happen in the United States every year. The public wants to hear what the players, especially the star players, have to say about the spectacle.
Lynch’s act of “barely” talking to the media during the week has actually become a bigger story than if he would have just bucked up and answered reporters’ questions. By acting this way, Lynch has drawn more attention to himself than by anything he could have said during a media session.
The strangest Lynch moment came during the mandatory Super Bowl Media Day when Beast Mode participated in a super-awkward interview by the NFL Network’s Deion Sanders.
After standing in a corner during Media Day looking more like the Unabomber than a running back in dark sunglasses and a hoodie, Lynch started things out by throwing out an “S-bomb” and ended the interview by referring to himself as “Beast Mode.”
“You kind of shy?” Sanders asked.
“Nah,” Lynch said.
“You just don’t want to talk, really?” Sanders said.
“I’m just about that action, boss,” Beast Mode answered.
Mr. Federal Way would compare the exchange between Sanders and Lynch to Mr. Federal Way’s 4-year-old daughter attempting to interview her Barbie doll. Mr. Federal Way can’t take his eyes off either one. But, when the exchanges are both over, Mr. Federal Way can only shake Mr. Federal Way’s head in amazement at what just transpired.
Q: Mr. Federal Way, obviously this weekend is going to be all about the Super Bowl and watching the Seahawks beat up the Denver Broncos. What is your favorite thing to eat during the big game?
A: Mr. Federal Way usually likes to spend Super Bowl Sunday “drinking” his meals. But Super Bowl Sunday is more of a marathon, than a sprint, and putting a little food in your belly throughout the day is very important. It might be even more important this year, because the beloved Seattle Seahawks are playing in the Super Bowl.
Mr. Federal Way doesn’t want to spend the second half sleeping in Mr. Federal Way’s recliner. Mr. Federal Way wants to be able to celebrate the Seahawks’ first-ever Super Bowl victory with friends and family.
So, Mr. Federal Way is going to give the readers a couple recipes that not only taste great, but also can soak up some of those adult beverages that will be flowing Sunday.
Mr. Federal Way’s first recipe is a doozy — bacon-wrapped little smokies. Yes, that’s right, pig wrapped with more pig. This is actually pretty basic. Get a package of bacon and a package of cocktail wieners, put a toothpick through each one and sprinkle some brown sugar on the top of them. Can’t get much easier than that, right? Cook them in a 325-degree oven for 40 minutes or so until the sugar starts bubbling.
These can also be made in a crockpot, but the bacon doesn’t get as crispy.
Another staple in Mr. Federal Way’s Super Bowl routine is spicy chicken wings.
Like matching a fine red wine with a filet mignon, you can’t get any more perfect than a super-cheap domestic, mass-produced beer in a can paired with deep-fried spicy chicken wings.
For the sauce, place two cups of Frank’s Hot Sauce, 1/2-cup of margarine and one tablespoon each of dry parsley, dried onions, granulated garlic and ground sage in a pan over medium heat and simmer for 10 minutes.
Add five pounds of chicken wings to a 350-degree deep-fat fryer and cook for 10 minutes. Lastly, put all the wings into the sauce, dip in Ranch dressing and feel guilty after eating.
Q: Mr. Federal Way, is there anything more cliché than the bets between public officials from the cities of the two teams in the Super Bowl?
A: No. It’s awful. When Mr. Federal Way reads about these types of bets, chills run up and down Mr. Federal Way’s spine.
In a shocking development, the mayors of Seattle and Denver have made one of those absolutely meaningless bets regarding the Seahawks and Broncos.
In a call Monday, Seattle Mayor Ed Murray said in the unlikely event of a Broncos win, he would send Denver Mayor Michael Hancock salmon, Dungeness crab, a bicycle made by Rodriguez Bicycles in Seattle and a piece of blown glass from artist Dale Chihuly.
If the Seahawks win, Mayor Hancock says he’ll send a sampling of Denver’s green chile and a hoodie, ball cap and skis handmade by Denver’s locally grown Icelantic Skis.
Very innovative and very clich√©, Mr. Mayors.
It’s much like watching a nationally-televised Seahawks’ game and inevitably seeing one of the broadcasters at the Pike Place Market tossing a king salmon to one of the workers, who then puts the fish right in front of the camera and moves its mouth up and down like the salmon is talking.
Wow, never seen that act before. Way to think out-of-the-box.
Q: Everybody in city is on pins and needles wanting to know what Mr. Federal Way thinks about the Super Bowl. Everywhere I go, people are asking what Mr. Federal Way’s prediction for the final score will be?
A: 27-20 Seahawks and Percy Harvin will be named Most Valuable Player.
Q: Mr. Federal Way, just getting it out there, you seem like a super-cool guy to hang out with and I’m not a stalker. Where are you going to be watching Sunday’s Super Bowl?
A: None of your business.
Send your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org.