Q&A with Mr. Federal Way: Sexting, school chief's pay raise

Mr. Federal Way - Mirror file
Mr. Federal Way
— image credit: Mirror file

Q: Hey Mr. Federal Way, why is it like pulling teeth to get my kids to go outside and play during the summer?

A: Mr. Federal Way has the same problem, and it’s truly an amazing phenomenon. Mr. Federal Way remembers being a kid a “few” decades ago and never wanting to come inside, especially during the summer months when there was no school. What has changed?

Mr. Federal Way knows the answer: video games and the endless television channels now available.

Instead of meeting up with your buddies and heading down to the neighborhood park to actually play a “real” game of basketball, baseball, football, tennis, kick-the-can or hide-and-go-seek, kids can do all that stuff on their XBox or watch it on high-definition TV.

And that’s not a good thing, at all. It’s easy to see why there is a big-time problem with child obesity nowadays. Heck, there’s actual campaigns all over TV designed to get kids out of the house to play. Really? It’s unbelievable that you need to coax kids to get off the couch to go have fun outside.

But that’s exactly what Mr. Federal Way has to do these days. There have been numerous times where Mr. Federal Way has been forced to physically turn off the TV and tell the kids to “GET OUTSIDE.”

The end result in Mr. Federal Way’s mandate usually ends with the kids standing around in the backyard counting down the minutes until they are allowed back in the house.

It’s beyond frustrating.

But, Mr. Federal Way and the rest of the parents have to take some of the blame. Mr. Federal Way has been known to sit in front of the TV watching re-runs of “Duck Dynasty” or “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives.”

Q: Mr. Federal Way, what do you think of the Federal Way school superintendent’s pay raise and global trips?

A: Obviously, Mr. Federal Way should have gotten into the superintendent business. Because penning a weekly question-and-answer column for the Federal Way Mirror is not putting Mr. Federal Way in the same tax bracket as the head of the schools in town.

Federal Way Public Schools Superintendent Rob Neu’s base salary will be $240,000 for the 2013-14 school year, an approximate increase of $42,000 from the base salary of $198,000 he made for the past two school years.

According to The Mirror, Neu’s salary is the third highest for any superintendent in the state, behind only Seattle and Kent.

Neu also got a chance to take three separate trips to China, Indonesia and South Korea this summer, mostly on the district’s dime.

But, in America, you are worth the amount of money that somebody will pay you. It’s kind of similar to the sports world. People are always complaining about how much money professional athletes are making, but a lot of those people are the ones who overpay for tickets and pay $100 for a jersey.

Obviously, the owners of those teams that pay millions for players are making enough money to sign these players.

The Federal Way School Board, whom Mr. Federal Way and the rest of the voters in the city elect, feel the $240,000 salary is justified.

But, the pay raise does raise the eyebrows of Mr. Federal Way. The people in the trenches get left out in the dark. Classified employees, which includes teachers, are the ones doing the hard work day in and day out.

It’s just the American way, however. The people who tell the people how to do their job — they are the ones who make the money. That’s just the way the cookie crumbles.

Q: Mr. Federal Way, have you ever been caught sexting (aka, sending lewd photos of yourself via text message)?

A: No. Mr. Federal Way doesn’t understand the whole sexting craze. And it’s not just “dumb, immature” high school kids who are getting caught up in the sext world. Adults in power positions — like congressmen, firefighters and police officers — are sending lewd photos of themselves. Shouldn’t they know better?

There is no way in the world that anybody in the world would find a Mr. Federal Way sext attractive. Mrs. Federal Way would still puke a little bit in her mouth if she saw a naked photo of Mr. Federal Way in her inbox. And Mr. Federal Way is fine with that.

There’s really nothing attractive about a naked, hairy man’s body. Nothing.

As Elaine Benes from “Seinfeld” said, “The male body is strictly utilitarian. It’s for gettin’ around, like a Jeep.”


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