Q: Mr. Federal Way, why are you so anti-Federal Way? If Federal Way is such a bother to you, why don’t you move to a different city? Why don’t you have to put your real name on your column like everyone else? I doubt you will answer these questions in the paper, but if you do, I am sure you will print my name as the questioner.
A: Mr. Federal Way will gladly answer your questions. First off, Mr. Federal Way is nowhere close to anti-Federal Way. This is home. This is where Mr. and Mrs. Federal Way are raising Federal Way’s Royal Family (see later in the column).
But that doesn’t mean there isn’t room for improvement. Mr. Federal Way is just pointing out where these improvements can be made. In the “real world,” that’s how a lot of things get accomplished.
In case you didn’t know, not everything in the city is perfect. Things don’t improve when people just sit around the fire singing “Kumbaya,” hoping things get better. Change — good or bad — occurs when some people in the general population question things.
That’s just what Mr. Federal Way is doing. So, in the future, if Mr. Federal Way sees something in town that doesn’t make sense, Mr. Federal Way is going to write about it, hoping it leads to some type of change.
In conclusion, Mr. Federal Way is Mr. Federal Way’s real name, obviously. What makes you think otherwise?
Q: What kind of attire should men wear as a guest to a summer wedding? The wedding is early evening. No indication was given to dress code (formal, casual, etc). Would khaki shorts and a nice button-down-style shirt be appropriate? Or should I play it safe with a jacket and tie? It will be mostly outdoors, so I am pretty sure a jacket and tie will have me sweating like a pig. Any advice?
A: If there is nothing on the wedding invitation, Mr. Federal Way thinks a button-down shirt and some shorts are just fine. In Mr. Federal Way’s opinion, you can wear whatever you want, within reason. That doesn’t mean jean shorts (aka jorts) and a tank top.
It’s up to the bride and groom to determine the dress code on the wedding invitation. The only thing Mr. Federal Way would suggest is a nice pair of shoes and no socks. Nothing looks lazier than bright white socks and tennis shoes with a button-down shirt.
Mr. Federal Way has gone with the short/button-down look plenty of times at weddings. Not only is it a lot more comfortable in the heat, but it also allows for more movement on the dance floor and to the bar later in the evening.
Q: Why is it that when a police officer flashes their lights to pull someone over, someone thinks it’s OK to stop right in the middle of the road? And why does the officer allow them to sit there while they’re running the plates or presumably writing a ticket? Why doesn’t the officer direct them to the nearest side road and just continue their business there?
A: It’s not really up the police officer where you pull over. It’s the responsibility of the driver to pull over in a safe area. According to Mr. Federal Way’s research staff, the only reason why a police officer would get on the loudspeaker and tell you to move your car is if the officer is in danger of getting run over.
Mr. Federal Way suggests that if you see flashing lights from a cop behind you on busy roads like 320th or Pacific Highway, don’t panic. Pull over into a well-lighted parking lot or side road.
Q: Mr. Federal Way, were you on the edge of your seat awaiting the arrival of the “Royal Baby?”
A: At first, your question gave Mr. Federal Way a big-time scare. All this talk about a “Royal Baby” made Mr. Federal Way think that Mrs. Federal Way had a “bun in the oven,” so to speak.
But, after a panicked phone call to Mrs. Federal Way, it was made clear that the cookie sheet inside the “oven” was void of all buns and the baby in question was in reference to the Royal Family in England, and not the Royal Family of Federal Way.
So, in terms of the baby boy of Prince William and Princess Kate, Mr. Federal Way is very happy everyone is doing well. It’s like a modern-day fairy tale that everyone in the world gets to read. If the Royal Baby’s birth can make people forget about all the bad things happening in the world, then Mr. Federal Way will raise a pint in celebration.
The only question Mr. Federal Way has is — what is the baby’s last name? Do the “Royals” have a last name or is it just (title) followed by (first name), i.e. Prince Charles and Queen Elizabeth? Mr. (title) Federal Way (first name) is having a tough time figuring it out.
Q: Must you discuss things in third-person always? It’s annoying.
A: Yes. Mr. Federal Way likes using the third-person because Mr. Federal Way thinks it’s funny and Mr. Federal Way is writing this column, not you.
However, Mr. Federal Way thanks you for the question.