Opinion

Q&A with Mr. Federal Way: Dog poop problem on BPA Trail

Got a question for Mr. Federal Way? Email mrfederalway@federalwaymirror.com - Mirror file
Got a question for Mr. Federal Way? Email mrfederalway@federalwaymirror.com
— image credit: Mirror file

Q: As a frequent walker on the BPA Trail, I’ve noticed that some dog owners pay no attention to posted rules concerning leashing dogs and scooping and removing dog poop. I assume the city cannot afford to enforce the city ordinances. Is there any other solution you can recommend?

A: As a general rule, nobody likes stepping in a big pile of poop. Mr. Federal Way has done this numerous times and it has never ended well. The poo gets into the little crevices of your shoe, it smells horrible, and inevitably makes its way onto the carpet in the front room.

In short, it’s about the grossest thing Mr. Federal Way can think of. In Mr. Federal Way’s short tenure as the “must read, main attraction” of the Federal Way Mirror, the subject of personal responsibility has been front and center. This is no different.

Having a pet is a big-time responsibility and, just like with children, there is a right way and a wrong way to do things. Mr. Federal Way would hope that you wouldn’t just throw a dirty diaper onto the side of the BPA Trail for somebody to step in.

It’s the same thing with a dog. Poop is poop and nobody likes looking at it and, especially, stepping in it. Mr. Federal Way’s solution is a simple one: Take responsibility for your dog’s feces! If you didn’t bring a plastic bag or a shovel with you, grab a stick on the ground, dig a hole and bury the turd(s).

It’s not the job of the Federal Way Police Department to follow around dog-walkers on the BPA Trail, waiting for Fido to drop a Lincoln log. They have better things to do, and paying an officer to conduct a “poop patrol” is not how Mr. Federal Way wants his hard-earned tax money spent.

Q: I went to The Commons mall last weekend and it was a ghost town. Is it always like that, or was it because of the Fourth of July?

A: No, it’s always like that. Unless you are on the search for a samurai sword, an eyebrow wax or an un-needed upgrade on your cellphone, there are not a lot of other options at The Commons at Federal Way.

The actual Commons mall is not a place that you can spend a few hours roaming around. If Mrs. Federal Way wants to get away from Mr. Federal Way on a Saturday afternoon and spend money, Mrs. Federal Way heads to SouthCenter, the Tacoma Mall or the SuperMall.

The only reason Mrs. Federal Way would head to The Commons is to pick up something at one of the stores on the periphery that have their own dedicated entrances — places like Target, Macy’s, Sears — or to see a movie.

The middle of the mall is a hodgepodge of closed storefronts and specialty shops. Hopefully, the new Kohl’s, which is currently under construction, will be a much-needed breath of fresh air for the mall.

Q: Why do gas prices at the 320th Street Safeway fluctuate as much as 18 cents a day, up or down? I drive by in the morning and it’s $3.60, by the afternoon it’s $3.69, and then in the evening it’s $3.59. Why?

A: Like everything in America, gas prices have to do with supply and demand. According to Mr. Federal Way’s crack research staff, the price is determined by how much the station owner has to pay for delivery of the gas, as well as the price at surrounding stations. For example, if gas station “A” receives gas on Monday for $2 and gas station “B” on Tuesday for $1.90, gas station “A” must compete and lower its price, even if it’s in the middle of the day.

There is nothing more frustrating than filling up your gas tank before heading to work in the morning, then driving by the same station on your way home and the price is 5 cents cheaper.

For some reason, Mr. Federal Way and a lot of other people think of buying gas as a sports competition. Mr. Federal Way will drive around South King County to find the lowest per-gallon price, even if it’s 2 cents lower. In short, Mr. Federal Way will save 40 cents when filling up the 20-gallon tank, but spend $3 on gas driving around town looking for the lowest price. Despite that fact, Mr. Federal Way will fist pump like a Super Bowl-winning quarterback.

Q: Mr. Federal Way, did you watch Joey Chestnut eat 69 hot dogs in 10 minutes to set a new world record on the Fourth of July?

A: No, Mr. Federal Way failed to watch that “display.” If you were to ask a foreigner to describe America, they could just point to the annual Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest in Coney Island, N.Y. Nothing says U.S.A. better than gluttony and over-eating, right? Mr. Federal Way just feels bad for Chestnut’s bathroom. No fan in the world is that powerful.

 

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