Did you vote correctly in the 2012 election? | Bob Roegner

The election is over, but there will be another one. Some of you remain confused about whether you voted correctly.

If you want to belong to one of the two major political parties, it would be helpful to know which one you are. It might depend on what color you like best: red, blue or purple.

Over the past several years, fewer voters are identifying with either the Democratic (32 percent) or Republican (24 percent) parties. They are choosing none of the above, making themselves a more desired political commodity: an independent (38 percent).

And since states and counties are now either red for Republican or blue for Democrat, you may already live in the wrong place and need to move. If you are purple, you are an independent who can live anywhere you want, and politicians will court you during every election. The rest of the time, nobody will talk to you.

If your heroes are Ronald Reagan, Abraham Lincoln, Dwight Eisenhower, Mitt Romney, or anyone with money or who works on Wall Street, you are probably a Republican. You might also be confused, since only 25 percent of Republicans liked Romney in the primaries. Even though they couldn’t keep track of what his positions were, 75 percent didn’t think he was Republican enough. If you know that “real” Republicans aren’t  supposed to say anything nice about George W. Bush, you probably should get a Republican bumper sticker.

If your heroes are any of the Kennedys, Barack Obama, Jimmy Carter, or Abraham Lincoln, and you like poor people and minorities, you’re probably a Democrat. But you might also be confused because Lincoln was a Republican who sounded like a Democrat, and Carter was more popular when he wasn’t president. Democrats complained about Obama because he wasn’t liberal enough. However, having a fun guy like Joe Biden around made up for that.

But this may help. Republicans believe that government should be very small, have no staff and no regulations unless something goes wrong, like your food gets E. coli. Then you want someone in government to blame. Also, Republicans believe in individual freedom and do not want government intruding into their lives — except they are pretty curious about what goes on in your bedroom. They want the government to tell a pregnant woman she can’t have an abortion if she is too poor to afford one. That pregnant woman is presumably a Democratic woman. A Republican woman would not get pregnant because they believe in abstinence and even want it taught in schools.

Adding to Republicans’ curious nature about the bedroom, they also want to tell homosexuals that they have to marry someone of the opposite sex, which seems to run counter to being a homosexual.

Democrats believe that government should be very big and should solve all of our problems, even the ones we really should solve ourselves. When something goes wrong, they don’t blame government. They blame the lack of money. They also blame Republicans because Republicans have all the money.

While Democrats want government to control everything, they also believe in individual freedom, and although they are somewhat shy about government being in their bedroom, pretty much anyone else is welcome.  Republicans don’t know what they do in there, but they are pretty sure God wouldn’t approve.

Democrats believe women should be able to decide if they are going to have an abortion because Democrats have found that disagreeing with a woman’s right to choose, on any number of topics, has uncomfortable consequences.

Republicans don’t like disagreeing with women, either. That’s why they want the government to tell a woman she can’t have an abortion. It cuts out a lot of unpleasant discussion and you get to blame the government.

Democrats believe homosexuals should marry whoever they want. Democrats don’t think sexual abstinence makes much sense. They want condom dispensers in all the schools because they remember how well 18-year-old boys listen to adults.

The new Republican hero, Paul Ryan, was Mitt Romney’s choice for vice president. They love his budget proposal, which cut just about everything from everybody. Ryan follows much of the thinking of Ayn Rand and her belief in the free market, individual freedom and limited government. Wait until Republicans find out that Ayn Rand was an atheist, favored abortion, didn’t take marriage all that seriously and believed in “rational self-interest.” She also was concerned about business and government getting too close to each other. Romney and Ryan want business to take over government.

Democrats don’t trust business and think it needs to be controlled, but they aren’t interested in controlling government.

According to Time magazine, 63 percent of Republicans still believe that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction when we invaded. Of those, 64 percent believe President Obama was born in another country.

Democrats never believed there were weapons of mass destruction because they didn’t like President Bush, and they don’t care where Obama was born because he gives a good speech and likes beer. They liked Bush better when he liked beer. Most Republicans like wine.

Democrats are afraid of global warming. Republicans think global warming is a fad, kind of like the hula hoop.

Republicans don’t want any control on guns and oppose restoring the assault weapons ban. Democrats secretly want gun control, but are afraid of the NRA and all those Republicans who have guns.

Republicans don’t want illegal immigrants in the country unless they do house work or yard work, cheap. They don’t want them to become citizens because they will probably vote for Democrats. Democrats don’t care who comes into the country, and they want them all registered to vote, because they will probably be poor and will vote for Democrats. The government will take care of them anyway.

Republicans don’t want taxes and don’t want to pay for government —  unless it is for defense, or if it helps us tell other countries how they should run their government. Then they don’t care what it costs. Democrats think taxes are for Republicans and don’t want to spend money on defense, although they like telling other countries what to do. They want to spend money on young people, poor people and old people. Pretty much anybody that might be a Democrat. Although they get confused  about the difference between billions and trillions and how to account for money we don’t have.

So, now do you know if you voted for the right person? Or do you need to move to another county or state?

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