What if Santa were gay? | Amy Johnson
By AMY JOHNSON
Federal Way Mirror Sex in the Suburbs
December 7, 2011 · Updated 7:25 AM
What if Santa were gay?
Think about it with me. Would you still embrace him the same way you embrace him now? Or would you be tempted to shuttle him off to permanently hang out on the Island of Misfit Toys? Might you quietly begin looking for somewhere to get elf pictures instead of the traditional ones with Santa?
Would it change how you view his relationship with the elves? Would you start questioning his motives? Perhaps you’d begin wondering if the elves were victims, being recruited into homosexuality by some old gay guy.
What if it turned out Mrs. Claus was really Mr. Claus, Santa’s life partner? Would you support legislative measures to allow them to marry? Or would you say it was enough for a domestic partnership and get all righteous about marriage being reserved for only one man and one woman?
What would you tell your children, if Santa were gay? Would you let them know that some people love men and some people love women, and what’s important is the love? Or would you raid your Christmas decorations, tossing every Santa in sight, and tell the kids he’s just not welcome in your house anymore?
Would you be willing to portray Santa at the local charity function if he were gay? Or would you be worried people might think you were gay — because you were willing to put on the suit to help the cause?
Would you still read “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas?” Or would you look for different books, ones that focus solely on non-Santa stories, and just drop Santa from your celebrations, like an old friend you haven’t heard from in years who gets the “boot” from your Christmas card list? Would Santa’s beloved status in our culture make a difference? Could you see your way clear to love and accept him because he’s, well, Santa?
And if you could see your way clear to accept a cherished, fictitious person — if all of who Santa is and what he stands for would be just too much for you to give up, even if he were gay — then why on earth would you not feel the same way about any real person who is gay? Or lesbian? Or bisexual? Or transgender?
Merry Christmas, everyone.Contact Federal Way Mirror Sex in the Suburbs Amy Johnson at email@example.com.