Hey, fans, here's what you need to know about Detroit
June 13, 2008 · Updated 3:40 PM
The Hawks are in! Thats the good news.
For any of you planning to attend the Super Bowl, I spent six weeks in Detroit summer before last. Thought Id pass on a curmudgeons view in case you havent been there before.
If you rent a car, do not let the agency stick you with an import unless you have a particular desire to spend time in one of the area hospitals. Remember, youre going to Motor City, not Rock City. I shouldnt need to elaborate further.
Next, you need to be aware that Ford Field is on the edge of downtown Detroit. Depending upon the weather, the surrounding area either looks like a war zone or like a war zone buried in snow up to a giraffes derriÃ¨re. Veterans of the Battle of the Bulge would instantly recognize the area.
If youre a dreaded vegetarian, expect to be really hungry during your stay. Detroits only veggie restaurant boasts one table. And they dont take reservations.
For meat eaters, a stop at one of the White Castle fast-food joints is mandatory. They offer boxes of miniature hamburgers. Locals refer to them as sliders. I carefully did not enquire why.
If you want to party, Greektown is near Ford Field. Or, think about going to Royal Oak or Birmingham. In any case, dont tell folks youre from Seattle. Theyll begin examining you for webs between your fingers. And some of them will ask where Seattle is.
Detroiters are generous, though. All of the mayors hundreds of friends and hangers-on are on the city payroll. A few of them are rumored to show up at their job once in a while.
Detroit does have a couple things going for it. Main arterials have names like Five Mile and Eight Mile, which tell you how far you are from downtown. Thats a lot better approach than names such as 3,276th Place Southeast. which we use in this area.
The best thing about Detroit is that my wife, Herself, hails from there. Dont anybody show her this.
Loren Fairman is a freelance humor writer living in the Federal Way-Kent area.