Head for the bunker, the mini-motorbikes are coming

You’ve seen them, right? Those tiny motorcycles which are all the rage.

For years, my neighborhood was so quiet I could hear my hair grow. Well, I should amend that. This area is mostly populated with geezers like me. So, there aren’t many of us with enough hair left to hear it growing. But I think you follow my point.

A growing number of young families have moved in. I suppose houses go up for sale when some of us geezers move to Sumner. See, Sumner is way south of Federal Way. Warmer summers. Milder winters.

The younger families have children. As some of us will recall, children like new activities. Especially ones that make noise and go fast. That brings me to the itty-bitty motorcycles.

Before I go any further, I want to say that my feline, SumoCat, is bigger than the motorcycles. My wife, Herself, collects teapots which would dwarf one of the miniature conveyances.

Last year there were one or two young folks ratting back and forth. This year, a mechanized battalion rolls slowly by each evening.

The boys (mostly) wear helmets. They look like elite members of a military unit. George Patton would have loved this parade. Lots of pomp. These kids have found heaven on wheels.

I’m gonna build a bunker in my front yard. Construct it with leftover things from house projects. Two-by-fours I employ to discipline recalcitrant household appliances, and large sandbags remaining from the time I did a bad job of fixing a leaking kitchen faucet.

I’ll hunker down in my secure fortification and launch water balloons at the passing armada. Of course, I’ll stock my bunker with rations in case it turns into a siege. Bologna sandwiches, Ruffles and some of Herself’s chocolate chip cookies. My blankie, too, in case I get tired and need a nap.

Okay, here’s the bottom line. It’s hard to admit it. But I really, really want to ride one of those things.

A man wants to do what the boy in him still yearns to do.

Loren Fairman is a freelance humor writer living in the Federal Way-Kent area.

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