Lifestyle

Why you deserve an amazing marriage | Guest column

Let’s begin with an easy question. Why do people settle for a marriage that is “less than amazing?” We would like to suggest a simple answer: Because an amazing marriage takes work. You cannot sit back and just watch it happen. It doesn’t evolve over time with little or no effort. It doesn’t just happen on its own. An amazing marriage can’t be purchased, won, or inherited, and it can’t be found on the Internet.

An amazing marriage is the result of the choices you make each and every day. Choices about how you will treat your spouse, the level of respect you will render to your spouse, how you will talk to your spouse, and so much more. You can choose to make your marriage amazing, or you can choose to accept the status quo.

If you want your marriage to be truly dynamic and unique, you need to be purposeful about the choices you make and exercise a determined effort in building your relationship. This can’t be a once-in-a-while effort, or a whenever-you-feel-like-it effort, but a consistent and daily effort. You will need to make good choices that demonstrate your commitment to your spouse.

It takes a consistent effort on a daily basis to show your mate that he or she is the most important person in your life. The choices you make will demonstrate your allegiance to your spouse and your marriage. If you are not purposeful and consistent, the best you will achieve in your relationship may be mediocrity. The choice is yours.

An amazing marriage takes daily effort and requires a significant amount of time. It requires a process that grows and evolves over time as you work at it; there is no quick-fix solution you can apply when you feel it is warranted or needed. There may be times when emotions run wild — this is when people say stupid and thoughtless things — and then to avoid a fight or confrontation, a quick-fix solution to minimize the damage may seem like the best choice.

When you apply this approach, you may improve the moment but not the relationship. Repeated quick-fix solutions may have the opposite affect; by hiding and covering up your core challenges again and again, it may be difficult to gain the trust of your spouse when a genuine effort is made. Unfortunately, these Band-Aid approaches usually do more harm than good.

Let’s define what an amazing marriage is not. It is not a perfect marriage. It is not a marriage without heartaches and hardships. It is not a marriage without disappointment and pain. It’s certainly not a storybook fairy tale that ends with, “and they lived happily ever after.” Unfortunately, an amazing marriage is not the norm in society, either.

We have discovered that an amazing marriage is a rare bond between a husband and a wife wherein each one knows that they are the most important person in the eyes of their spouse. It is special and it is unique. We know that this special bond can be realized through a consistent effort and with a daily commitment of putting the other person first, at all times.

Federal Way residents Jason and Debby Coleman are authors of “Discovering Your Amazing Marriage.” Their book is available at Borders in Federal Way, amazon.com and www.youramazingmarriage.com.

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